Daniel Day-Lewis vs. Miz Moffatt (Part Two)

This is the continuation of a post from late last month. I find the notion of conversing with celebrities via comic form to be just the right balance between refreshing and delusional for my tastes. And, it's made even sweeter as these famous so-and-sos provide tips and insights for us common folk.

To recap:

• These pages come from a birthday comic I made for a friend last month.
• Daniel Day-Lewis occupies a rather special position in Ms. Chantal's Harem. He travels as he pleases, often sailing with the mist. When he arrives, he prepares one year's worth of chopped wood for the Villa and also provides refresher tips for the boys of Chantal's Harem (and he provides tips for me, too, on my request).
• I have so much time on my hands. It often leads to projects like this.

In this edition of Lessons from Daniel Day-Lewis, he teaches me the first two rules of his tried and tested methods to wooing the ladies.

(Click to read all the gritty details)



Check back tomorrow for the additional three insights Daniel Day-Lewis has for a gal like me (and perhaps for a reader like you).

And P.S. -- The cute Kiwi I refer to in the comic is none other than Zoë Bell. *Twirly hearts* Daring, radiant, and hails from New Zealand? I didn't stand a chance. *Swoon*

Odds and Ends and Checkin' Ins

I thought I should check in with the ladies this evening. I mean, it's been quite a while since I sat down and took stock. We've got the impressive successes, the celebrations, the sudden illnesses, and a whole lot more in between.

It's best we start as soon as possi--

1. Erin Karpluk wins Best Actress Award at the 2009 Geminis: Yes, the absolute darling of the CBC (and one of the members of my Harem) was recognized for her charming and complex portrayal of Erica Strange on Being Erica. Congrats to Ms. Karpluk for the well-deserved recognition. You can catch her hit show on the CBC (Tuesdays, 9 PM), or check out older episodes over at the CBC's website.

2. Maggie Gyllenhaal celebrated yet another gorgeous birthday on Nov. 16: Well, Happy (Belated) Birthday, special lady. And, if that wasn't perfect enough, I found out Ms. Gyllenhaal is making an appearance on Sesame Street this year to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the classic children's show. See: Photo evidence above. Too adorable for words.

3. The Governor General's Award for Fiction (English): Alas -- Annabel Lyon did not win the award for her book, The Golden Mean. Well, she's still got two shots at winning some of Canada's illustrious literary prizes. Still, what an excellent honour that would have been for a first-time novelist. The award went to Kate Pullinger for The Mistress of Nothing. I suppose I ought to read this novel if it won out against Canada's newest Golden Girl of the Written Word.

4. The trailer for the upcoming film, Bitch Slap, magically appeared when I first opened the Internet this morning. Serious. I didn't set out looking for it. It came TO ME. And now, it comes to you, too.

Ah, trash films with gorgeous women -- my inner feminist cannot process it. Nor does she particularly want to. I get the impression this trailer sums up the film in its entirety. Still -- Zoe Bell is in it. I will watch it. (P.S. -- Don't you love that I followed a comment about Canadian literature with a trailer for a modern remake of a B-movie exploitation film? Yeah, I thought you'd be impressed.)

5. Had a dream about my work crush last night, the first one ever. Hey -- minds out of the gutter. It revolved around us on a date at a posh restaurant. Patrons could pay one price and get whichever five entrees/desserts they preferred. I remember pouring over the menu with her and sampling a large selection of delicious items. There was a dark chocolate lava cake with edible flowers all sprinkled across it. Very romantic, even if it was all fictional.

6. The Advocate and Ship Sharp are sick at the moment. It's confirmed -- the ladies have been H1N1'd. *Pout* I've sent them all my well wishes and have focused all my health particles into wavelengths in order to will them out of their illness. I hope it works, I miss them. *Pouts again*

Consider Me 'Whip'ped

Yes, the Internetz are ablaze with initial reactions to the highly-anticipated Whip It! film-- and here I am, adding my voice to the rabid choir of praise.

But serious, did I have any choice in the matter?

Feminism and pure fun mix for an energetic flick dedicated to the women of Austin's derby circuit (and heck, it's a dedication to the the strength of any and all women coming-of-age in this twenty-first century North American scene). I could hear snippets of conversation as I left the theatre and the general consensus was, "I NEED TO BUY ROLLER SKATES NOW, WHY ARE WE NOT AT THE STORE YET?!"

Methinks derby teams across the continent are about to experience an overflow of sassy, young things wanting to "become [their] own hero," if you'll let me pilfer/paraphrase from the movie.

Serious, though -- there were a number of elements I hadn't foreseen despite the fact I've been following the press on Whip It! quite closely for the past few months:

• Alia Shawkat as best friend, Pash: Serious. Why is this girl not getting more press for the film? She was fantastic, just a delight from the moment she appeared on the screen. She managed to strike this amazing balance between the spontaneous and the level-headed as she tried to encourage Bliss (played by Ellen Page) in her pursuit of all things derby. I'm a tad unnerved that Ms. Shawkat is the same age as my brother, though... I'm feeling older by the day, I tell you....

 Ellen Page and Alia Shawkit

• The core father-daughter relationship that runs throughout the film: Folks weren't lying when they said the parents (played by Marcia Gay Harden and Daniel Stern) are scene stealers. And, perhaps it's the fact that I watched this movie with my Dad that this particular plot line is hitting closer to home. I mean, watching a father fight for his daughter's happiness gets me all choked up no matter what the context, really. And Daniel Stern carried himself well. 
• Eve and Ari Graynor.... together.... in a hot tub....ALONE...: Why can I not find pictures of this one on the Internet? It is a travesty to all the women reading this. And to me. ESPECIALLY to me, people.

Eve and Ari Graynor

• ZOE BELL DID NOT GET NEARLY ENOUGH SCREEN TIME -- though, she did a damn fine job with what she was given. I promise I'll get over this obsession. Just not now. And probably not for a few more years after that.

Are you a gay gal?

Do you like your women tough, DIY, and full of spunky feminist ideology?

Have you SEEN the stills from this film?

All I can say is: DO IT. Shell out that cash and watch Whip It! on the big screen.

Serious, why are you still reading this post, GONOWGOWATCHWHIPITNOW!

"BITCH SLAP" <-- WANT.

I CANNOT ALLOW THIS CLIP TO HIDE IN THE SHADOWS OF YOUTUBE ONE MOMENT LONGER:

WANT.

WANT x 12.

.... Hey, you think I might be able to get in on one of those weekend fight rehearsals? I used to be a drama kid, I was trained in stage fighting AND sword fighting. That's gotta count for something, right?

I know, I'm playing favorites with Ms. Bell as of late, but -- well, you watched that clip just now, right?

I don't know what I've done to please the Universe, but OH MY GOODNESS.

OH my goodness.

Whirlwind

GOGOGOGOIT'SSEPTEMBERANDIT'STIMETOGO!!

.... Or, so I've been told.

Amazing how one month can spin your life around. Hell, it's amazing how one WEEKEND could have that effect on you. I'm scrambling to keep track of what all I've been up to which is kind of a first (I know, sad to admit, but epically true). 

Shall we take stock?:

• Friday, Sept. 4/09: Attended the "LOLWTFBBQ" event. Drank a lot, played endless rounds of Things... (Sample Moffatt answers: Q: Things... you wouldn't find in the dictionary. A: Recipes. Q: Things... that hurt your back. A: Large Stones) -- ate a veggie burger, ate ice cream cake, witnessed a knife break in said ice cream cake, drank some more, played Things... some more, conked out on a sofa in the wee hours of the morning.
• Saturday, Sept. 5/09: Went to My Advocate's home for a ladies night/Torchwood gathering. Helped invent a Torchwood drinking game (which I really ought to share in a later post now that I think of it...) Got down to some good ol' gossip, psyched myself out of The Talk with the ladies. 
• Sunday, Sept. 6/09: Went to the Ex with a bunch of friends. Shopped at the International pavilion, won at a water gun game, ate tons at the Food Building, witnessed the air show from ground level, witnessed Elvis Stojko's ice skating/acrobatic tribute to random films (including Kill Bill and Slumdog Millionaire, if you can imagine it), learned via the CNE archives that just about every building on the grounds has burnt down at least once, and so much more!
• Tuesday, Sept. 8/09: Watched Gamer with Chantal and headed out for some sushi. Found out that ZOE BELL HAS A CAMEO IN GAMER! Granted, it's quick... and it ends with her head exploding... BUT STILL! ZOE BELL! Oh, and P.S. - Chantal has Gerard Butler in her Harem, right? So this marks the first film we've seen where a member of my Harem and a member of her's have kicked ass together. Oh yeah.

It all feels entirely full throttle if you ask me, especially since I've come off a rather slow summer. And, on Saturday, I'm heading out to visit with O'Neill and Mr. Lee to celebrate their first week back at school and their move back to "Chateau Surrey."

No rest for the wicked, indeed.

Waiting for "Whip It!" Wednesday

Drew Barrymore, Ellen Page, and Kristen Wiig as derby darlings in Whip It

Fact: Tough girls on roller skates are HOT. Not just hot, but HAHT, even. 

Trust me, it's proven by science.

And what could be better than an all-girl, roller derby throwdown film headed by Canadian cutie (and potential baby dyke...?), Ellen Page?

Nothing. 

Nothing is better.

I never thought I would utter these words, but.... Drew Barrymore, you are an utter and epic genius.

It's true, lovely readers -- Whip It marks Ms. Barrymore's directorial debut and what a start it will be. I mean, what other film could cater so blatantly to an audience of gay girls, am I right? I certainly hope I am since I will be front and centre in the theatre on its opening weekend, mark my words.

In a bid for her own independence, the teen misfit, Bliss Cavendar (Ellen Page), sheds the stifling expectations of her mother (Marcia Gay Harden) and the Texas beauty-queen circuit and reinvents herself after joining an all-girl roller derby team, the Hurl Scouts. Under the guidance of Smashley Simpson (Barrymore) and Malice in Wonderland (Kristen Wiig), the young Bliss learns to assert herself and even take on her derby nemesis, Iron Maven (Julia Lewis) of the Holy Rollers.

*EXCITEMENT ABOUNDS*

Another interesting tidbit: Whip It is based on yet another debut -- writer Shauna Cross published her original YA novel, Derby Girl, at roughly the same time she was given the greenlight to develop a feature film script. Quite an exciting experience for a first-time writer, I must admit. 

And what was that last piece of information I was supposed to mention? Hmmm.... now, what could it be.... our Canadian gal, Ellen Page, is skating with... oh, darn, who was it again?

OH! That's right -- she's been paired with none other than:

ZOE BELL as BLOODY HOLLY.

*Mind explodes*

Oh, to be the woman decorating Ms. Bell's bottom with an intense, rather convincing derby bruise.

I am simply bubbling over with anticipation. 

And you better believe I'll be writing a detailed review of this film once I see it. What a mid-week treat it was to discover these stills. *CHEERS*

No. 6: Zoe Bell

Name: Zoe Bell

Date of Birth: 17 November, 1978

Hometown: Waiheke Island, New Zealand

Selected Career Credits:

• Angel of Death (2009)... Eve
• Bitch Slap (2009)... Rawhide
• Death Proof (2007)... Zoe
• Planet Terror (2007)... Sicko Eating Paramedic #2
• Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004, stunt double for Uma Thurman)
• Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003, stunt double for Uma Thurman)
• Xena: Warrior Princess (1995, stunt double for Lucy Lawless)

Harem Role: Chief of Dangerous Endeavors

***

Hands down, Zoe Bell is THE MOST hardcore member of the Harem Proper. No one can surpass her physical stamina, her sordid past in the ER, nor her intimidating resume as Hollywood's leading stuntwoman. And she still manages to hold her own as a sweet and stunning starlet complete with a feature role AS HERSELF in a Tarantino film.

SO. FUCKING. AWESOME.

As any self-respecting, proto-lesbian youngster can attest to, I was glued to just about every new episode of Xena: Warrior Princess that aired. If the tight, short, leather outfit clinging to Lucy Lawless wasn't enough to hold my interest, I know those epic battle scenes waged against common men and Gods alike certainly caught my attention. I was a child attracted to tough as nails women, especially ones wielding swords and sharpened discs. Little did I know that Zoe Bell was the real grit and brass behind the fists that so fired up my... um, imagination.

I think it's safe to say that Zoe Bell became a household name in North America following her lead role in Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof. I've always been a little wary of Tarantino films -- despite my penchant for wicked fight scenes, I tend to balk at the presence of gore. And... yeah, Tarantino tends to gravitate toward the gruesome side of cinema. But, really -- the lure of eight formidable, talented, and unabashedly gorgeous women helped me move past any reservations I might have had. 

Am I ever glad I did.

It's her cute, Kiwi accent and her palpable, radiant energy that draws you in -- and it's her white-knuckled ride atop a classic 1970 Dodge Challenger that seals the deal. Every time I think about the sequence, I fall further and further into my complete infatuation for Ms. Bell. I mean, it's the fact that it's HER gripping two leather belts and taking her life quite literally into her own hands during a high-speed chase scene that proves to be the pinnacle of hot for this blogette right here. 

Zoe Bell doesn't just play a daredevil -- she IS one. 

And she's got the scars to prove it.

I know Lady Blogs across the Internet have been buzzing about the upcoming film Bitch Slap. Oh, and which stunning Kiwi actress/stuntwoman is appearing as the fight club champion, Rawhide?

Mmm hmm.

And her weapon of choice?....... Her boots. 

HOT DAMN.

And for those of you who would like an extra peek into the life of the kickass Zoe Bell, watch this clip and marvel:

Ms. Bell -- oh, you are SO in the Harem Proper.