In Like A Lion, Out Like A Lazy Blogger

So, perhaps describing myself as a "lazy blogger" is a tad harsh -- I would love to blog in-depth, especially since I've got some ideas bubbling below the surface. How is it that, when faced with stacks of school work, I find myself more compelled than usual to launch into side projects? The stress energizes those creative vibes at the exact moment when I cannot use them for fear of letting the priority work slip.

Oh, and getting side tracked with increasing shifts from work tends to throw off my equilibrium as well.

Bah. I will end November on a light note, it appears...

All Grammar'd Out

Oh, the pain.... the snapping of the synapses.....

I am in the middle of a grammar overload at the moment. Just spent the last few hours writing and fine-tuning a short essay on the use of "hopefully" as a sentence adverb.

....

See? I was destined to be a lesbian.

... alright, perhaps that's not concrete proof. Still, it's a theory at least.

I am in need of fun updates, I think. I miss my ladies. *Pout* Granted, I get to interact with ladies while at work and I also get to interact with new ladies while in the classroom. Both environments are excellent for the ladies, might I add. I swear, I'm not that much of a lech..... really...

This coming week is shaping up to be a whiteout of random. Check it:

• Grammar assignment, 25% (Tuesday)
• Textbook assessment assignment, 25% (Thursday)
• Mon-Thurs: 5 AM - 9:30 AM shifts at work
• Fri & Sat: Volunteer shifts w/ IFOA

... and my iTunes just shuffled to "Tossin' & Turnin'" by Bobby Lewis. I am not even kidding. I think my laptop is trying to tell me to settle the eff' down.

I must be making up for a slow August-October stretch. I tend to clot a lot of events all together and then go for weeks where I walk around moaning about how bored I am. Still, I know I'd rather be hanging out with The Advocate and Ship Sharp, if they'd have me back. Ah, just got to slog through this tough stretch and perhaps I shall see freedom once again.

Oh, Sweet Gaydar -- Prove Thy Merits in the Office

The current work placement offers a bevy of awkward, office moments detailed with a delicate hand by yours truly. From awkward speculations on this blogette's sexual orientation to off-hand and inappropriate comments on queer kids in general, I have ample stories to divulge from the front lines of the paper-pushing world.

It all changes tonight.

Between the stacks of filing and the endless rebate claim forms, I found myself at the heart of a conversation that set the ol' Gaydar for a loop.

Of course, there's a woman involved -- she's a fellow summer "student," where student is code for "two inches from unemployment but still considered young enough to be 'student' material." I shall name her AXC for the sake of the blog. Another of the summer "students" shall be known as iPod Ears (for her startling, MP3-induced hearing loss) and there's a full-timer in the mix as well. Whoa, this is getting complicated -- I imagine most gossip takes on this hue.

Anyhow, on to the tale:

Setting: CSR corner, afternoon. Miz Moffatt sifts through a monstrous stack of loose papers and disorganized files. She pouts and occasionally staples. AXC is in the same space as the filing cabinet where Miz Moffatt pouts.

Enter: iPod Ears with a message for the Full-Timer in question. iPod Ears stops for a quick chat.

iPod Ears: I just started getting into Lost. I never watched an episode before I heard about the finale. Now, I'm on, like, season three.

Full-Timer: Yeah, I've never seen Lost before. I heard it's a good one. A little weird, but good once you're into it.

iPod Ears: What other shows are you in to?

(Miz Moffatt misses the first half of the response after an ill-timed CSR outburst)

Full-Timer: .... United States of Tara. It's all shows on Showcase or the Movie Network, now.

iPod Ears: Have you seen Mad Men?

Full-Timer: No--

iPod Ears: OH my God, it's SO GOOD. It's set in, like.... the 1950s, I guess?

Full-Timer: That's the one with the woman with the huge tits on her, right?

iPod Ears: Yeah, the red head?--

AXC: (Across the room) CHRISTINA HENDRICKS!!

iPod Ears: Yeah! That's her.

AXC: Aah, she's so curvaceous and so beautiful. I watch it just for her.

Full-Timer: And she's got f**king huge tits. (Note: I am not even inventing this language).

iPod Ears: Aww, I know. She's so pretty.

AXC: She's gorgeous. (Miz Moffatt notes a slight exhalation from AXC, a sigh perhaps...?)

*End Scene*

EDIT (06/10/10): I should also add the Full-Timer is a woman. I realise I did not make that clear the first time around.

.... I took a mental double-take at the situation. I know straight gals discuss the merits and physical attributes of other women. I know these same straight gals are also comfortable enough to remark over another woman's attractiveness. But, there was a subtle shift with AXC. I know I can't quite capture the tone of it all in print, but it was there.

Am I not the only gay in the office?

I sense a new project on the horizon....

And the Gossip Grows...

I can feel it, readers -- the slow shift started with an awkward conversation pertaining to The Oscars and it continues to clot the halls at the office...

The sudden interest around this blogette's love life is approaching alarming levels on the work front. And, might I add, none of this was proffered by me.

I assume it has a great deal to do with my age. I turn 24 next month and I am still single. In most cases, outsiders tend to start questioning the single gals once the mid-20s roll around, you know, since we're all supposed to be desperate to marry and have babies and whatnot.

I never discuss crushes or infatuations in the office, mostly because I find it unprofessional to do so (whether queer or straight, I often find the personal life is best kept in the private realm).

And the woman instigating this investigation is now in her 60s.

This week, we've had some gents in the office delivering office furniture, rearranging cubicles, and wrestling with the beast that is the air conditioning system. All I did was wander into her office to ask about payment procedures and I was met with:

"Oh, did you get a good look at the guy fixin' the air conditioning?? Oh, he is something. I mean, I know I'm married 'n' all, but I can still look, can't I?! A HA HA HA! How 'bout you. You get a good look, too? Hmm??"

I mumbled something about spreadsheets and rebates and then returned to the question at hand.

Ah, deflection -- it takes a talent to change the subject with a smooth hand.

Did I mention this afternoon marked the eighth day back in the office?

Hmm.

Awkward Office Moments RETURN!

So it begins -- awkward office moments RETURN. For new readers or Internet wanderers, feel free to check out previous posts on this subject. I dealt with awkward "girl talk" moments in front of my mother and suffered through two moments with the Office Matchmaker (including insinuations over my "desperation" for a man and her offensive monologue about butch women and their style) in 2009 alone.

Sure, there was a four-month gap between contracts at this same office, but the gossip continues even in those absences.

Shall we take a gander at the first week back?

***

Awkward Moment One: Lunchroom Lowdown.

It all starts with a harmless question: "So, did you watch The Oscars this year?" I nod. "Yeah, or... well, I watched the first half without sound. I was talking to a friend of mine through the first half. He tends to call on Sundays and it just happened to be around the time The Oscars was on so I was giving the play-by-play for the first part. I watched the second half with sound, though." The topic turns to films for a moment with a basic rundown of which Best Picture movies we'd actually seen. A lull emerges. And then, the pause is filled with: "Just jumping back in the conversation for a minute -- WHO'STHISGUYYOUWERETALKIN'ABOUT?AREYOUTWODATING?AREYOUINTERESTEDINHIM?WHATABOUTYOURLOVELIFEINGENERAL?!

Whoa. Whoa, now. I explain: "Oh, no, he's one of my best friends. He was one of the guys I lived with while I was at school. He's like a brother to me, you know?" A knowing glance from the gossiper. "Mmm hmm. So, there's no one in your life, then? Romantically?"

No. And, even if I was straight, I would not talk to you about it.

For interested readers, this is the same woman who was not aware that NEW theatre is created even in 2010.

*Sigh*

***

Awkward Moment Two: Lesbians Comin' Out the Woodworks.

I found out via the technical person I work with that one of our service professionals went through a rather difficult divorce last summer. We are attempting to reconcile his account with us, but it was his wife who controlled the books -- since she left in the middle of the pool season, he had no one to cover the books but himself.

The plot thickens.

"Yeah, poor guy. He had everything hit him at once. Turns out his wife is a lesbian and she left him for her partner. That's got hurt. I mean, it must cut a guy at the ego when his wife leaves for someone else, let alone for a woman. There was more than one phone call with him that ended in him crying and confiding to me about it. Yeesh."

Which was all then followed by: "Oh, hey, here's a joke for you: What do you call two lesbians in a closet? ..... A 'lick-er' cabinet. Get it? Instead of, like, liquor you drink? Huh?"

I laughed considering these two stories were told in one breath. Oh, goodness.

***

So, quite a fruitful first week for awkward office moments. I tend to attract these types of oddities. I think it ties in with the general air of approachability I exude. People feel comfortable confiding in me, for better or for worse.

The writer in me appreciates all the strange conversations, especially of the queer-themed variety.

***

Conversely, I can think of one non-awkward, thrilling thing you could do to kick off your weekend. Why not head over to The Best Travel Job Ever and vote for The Advocate? She's moving up the charts at a right good pace now but she needs every last vote to put her on that plane.

Look at her, so chipper and wanderlusting. Send that lady packin', I say!

Last Week of Relaxation

Here it is -- the last week to relax before I head back to work. Almost four months of unemployment has landed me back at the same pool manufacturer I worked at from April to December of 2009.

I would have preferred a different job, no doubt. I was aiming for a job geared toward writing or a job located in the realm of publishing, but alas -- about fifty resumes + zero job interviews later = Reclamation by the former employer desperate for experienced summer help.

*Sigh*

***

Sunday updates: I neglected to post. I am aware and now, I make amends. It was a quiet affair. I ended up nixing the poetry reading last minute. I weighed the option, but there's some aura with the group that's unsettled me. I've been to their meetings three times before over the last few years and I tend to leave deflated. Not about my own work, but about the calibre of writers living in this suburban area.

I opted for a quick shopping trip with my Mom and lil' brother. The Brother was in need of a green shirt for a school band (yeah, I don't know what the significance of the green shirt is, but I will find out tomorrow) and he needed to pick up some other items. I picked up work-related shoes. They're nothing fancy -- just a pair of flats designed for comfort vs. style. I tend to not care how I look at this office, so I might as well be comfortable. *Is cheeky*

The evening rounded out with the ladies -- I headed out to The Advocate's to check out a travel vlog she's made for quite possibly the sweetest travel-related job on this planet. Hmm, I might just have to provide a link to her entry once it's posted. She's a spunky sweetheart who deserves this and, if I can make the request to readers out there, I know she'd appreciate the support (as would I!)

Also caught up with Ship Sharp who has landed an internship with Canada's top casting director. Yeah. It's a staggering amount of success Ship Sharp is finding for herself at the moment. This translates to me needing to kick myself into gear. Serious, I hang out with some stunnin' kids and I need to return the general awesomeness with some success of my own, now. That, or I can distract them with more Torchwood zines before I am disowned for my general laziness and rampant anime consumption....

Both are valid options.

***

So there -- the weekend in a nutshell. Hmm, one upside to this summer contract is the fact I'll be reading the paper each lunch again. It's always good fodder for blog posts, I find. Oh, and money. Having cash will be nice.

Can't forget about that one, now, can I?

Christmas Season Kickoff: The Office Shindig

So, yeah -- it is still November and I have attended the first Christmas/holiday party of the 2009 season. What can I say, we tackle projects early at our office. Overall, I would define it as a successful show. There was booze, LOTS of booze, and there was an excellent meal and quite the raucous gathering of office drones suddenly brought back to life.

I tell you, there's nothing better than watching the "professional" guise slip away and seeing people as themselves. Well, as alcohol-augmented versions of themselves. Perhaps that is a little more accurate.

I had quite the bit of drink, considering it was a Tuesday night. I started with a beer and I think I might have had about three full glasses of red wine throughout dinner...? Maybe more. We were at one of those restaurants with the magical wine glasses. You know the ones I'm talking about -- right as you're about to take that final sip, you discover that the wine has doubled in volume out of thin air.

In all seriousness, the waiters were attentive when it came to alcohol consumption. And, since I am not allowed to drink at home, I indulged a bit more than I should have. Did I mention this was a Tuesday night? And that I still had to wake up at 6:30 AM this morning? Yeah? Yeah.

I tried to orchestrate the seating arrangement a little to my favour -- yes, I tried to score a seat next to the Office Crush herself. I came close, though. I had one co-worker between us which is still too much distance, if you ask me. Though, I can always get giggly and starry-eyed over the idea that the second I walked into the restaurant, she bee-lined over to me and said, "Oh, please take my drink tickets, [Miz Moffatt] -- I know I'm not going to have anything and I want to make sure you have an awesome night!"

I'm sorry, an attractive woman who's trying to liquor me up? ... Like, serious, did I do something to please a higher power?... because I'm pretty convinced that someone/something out there is rewarding me.

And I will gladly accept.

Had a decent conversation with this one guy who's known as The Asshole in our office. Apparently a copious amount of alcohol transforms him into an inspiring person...? We talked about travels and post-graduate school and he basically said to me, "Do it. Go to London. It's an amazing city and so full of exciting, new ideas. You're not going to find that creativity here in Canada, I can tell you that now. Even if you're doubting yourself or unsure what path to take, go to London. You'll more than likely figure it out there."

I still can't believe it was HIM who said that. This is the same man whose has been a complete and horrid bastard to my Mom on more than one occasion and he's encouraging ME to pursue my dreams? ...... It was a bit of a mind-job, let me tell you.

Got home at around 10 PM or so and promptly called O'Neill. Am more than certain he was thrown off-guard to hear a drunk Moffatt on the line. I miss getting drunk with him, so.... I was acting as a... reminder? No, we actually had an amazing conversation last night. What can I say, we are astounding kids. *VANITY*

But yeah, I went to bed with a dream-like sense of serenity. Now, I didn't quite wake up in that same state, but the remnants were there and that's more than enough for me on a Wednesday morning.

It's official -- the Christmas season has begun. From here on in, I am in full celebration mode. Coincidentally, that also means I am in intense workout mode to counteract the caloric spike I will experiencing in the next few weeks.

BRING IT.

Odds and Ends and Checkin' Ins

I thought I should check in with the ladies this evening. I mean, it's been quite a while since I sat down and took stock. We've got the impressive successes, the celebrations, the sudden illnesses, and a whole lot more in between.

It's best we start as soon as possi--

1. Erin Karpluk wins Best Actress Award at the 2009 Geminis: Yes, the absolute darling of the CBC (and one of the members of my Harem) was recognized for her charming and complex portrayal of Erica Strange on Being Erica. Congrats to Ms. Karpluk for the well-deserved recognition. You can catch her hit show on the CBC (Tuesdays, 9 PM), or check out older episodes over at the CBC's website.

2. Maggie Gyllenhaal celebrated yet another gorgeous birthday on Nov. 16: Well, Happy (Belated) Birthday, special lady. And, if that wasn't perfect enough, I found out Ms. Gyllenhaal is making an appearance on Sesame Street this year to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the classic children's show. See: Photo evidence above. Too adorable for words.

3. The Governor General's Award for Fiction (English): Alas -- Annabel Lyon did not win the award for her book, The Golden Mean. Well, she's still got two shots at winning some of Canada's illustrious literary prizes. Still, what an excellent honour that would have been for a first-time novelist. The award went to Kate Pullinger for The Mistress of Nothing. I suppose I ought to read this novel if it won out against Canada's newest Golden Girl of the Written Word.

4. The trailer for the upcoming film, Bitch Slap, magically appeared when I first opened the Internet this morning. Serious. I didn't set out looking for it. It came TO ME. And now, it comes to you, too.

Ah, trash films with gorgeous women -- my inner feminist cannot process it. Nor does she particularly want to. I get the impression this trailer sums up the film in its entirety. Still -- Zoe Bell is in it. I will watch it. (P.S. -- Don't you love that I followed a comment about Canadian literature with a trailer for a modern remake of a B-movie exploitation film? Yeah, I thought you'd be impressed.)

5. Had a dream about my work crush last night, the first one ever. Hey -- minds out of the gutter. It revolved around us on a date at a posh restaurant. Patrons could pay one price and get whichever five entrees/desserts they preferred. I remember pouring over the menu with her and sampling a large selection of delicious items. There was a dark chocolate lava cake with edible flowers all sprinkled across it. Very romantic, even if it was all fictional.

6. The Advocate and Ship Sharp are sick at the moment. It's confirmed -- the ladies have been H1N1'd. *Pout* I've sent them all my well wishes and have focused all my health particles into wavelengths in order to will them out of their illness. I hope it works, I miss them. *Pouts again*

Canadian Theatre: People WRITE Plays?!

Unngh.... so... tired.... need to... post.. entry.....

I have had quite the hectic/sleepless week. Though, I wouldn't want to change a moment of it.... unless I could add a few extra hours for sleep, that would be great. You think anyone would notice if I messed with our global concept of time? Maybe I could convince everyone that I need my own time zone. Yeah, that could work...

Horror of the Day: Having to explain to a woman at work that theatre IS a valid form of art and that there ARE people who write new plays. After telling her I applied for a playwright program in downtown Toronto, she asked, "Oh, so you'd be taking, like, a novel or a movie and makin' it into a play?"

No. No I would not. I would write a NEW piece. It is a seminar. A writing seminar. Where I would.... write.

I was met with a beige, office expression. "Oh. Well, see, that's somethin' I would never have heard about until you mentioned it. You never know what... opportunities there are until you go out and dig for them, you know what I'm sayin'? I mean, there are people who would have never heard about things like... like writing a play and now you applied to -- what was it, a seminar or somethin'? I mean, might as well try it once!"

I miss creative people.

And, on that note-- *Collapses into a pile of old clothes and blankets*

Miz Moffatt Takes On Life Reassessments

Does an angel contemplate my fate? Mara86

I wonder what is about Thursdays that invite such contemplation. I've been sifting through prompts for most of the evening to find lighter topics for this post, but I can't seem to push past the trouble on my mind.

I'm in the throes of another "life reassessment" deal -- you know the one I'm talking about. It's that cold rush of restlessness pocked with indecisiveness and a dull sense of irritation at the circumstances. I seem to circle back to this place without ever intending to. I was tipped off this morning after I discovered a woman at work is pushing to extend my contract for the third undecided stretch of time.

Did I mention I've been counting down the days -- nay, the hours left in this current contract extension?

I know, it takes a lot of nerve to complain about a job during a crippling global recession. Trust me, I've heard comments to that effect each time I open up to discuss this topic. Still, I am not satisfied.

I am an administrative assistant for a pool product manufacturer. Yeah. Not great. It was supposed to be a summer gig, ending before the Labour Day long weekend. Had there been school to return to, I would have been free.

The first extension came about because of their workload after acquiring another large pool manufacturer.

The second extension came after a rash decision made by our management to fire a customer service rep. after a minor misunderstanding.

Now, this third extension is being orchestrated by a woman who wants a personal assistant to take on the brunt of the administrative aspects of credits, payments, blah blah, boring office jargon.

I can't do it. I mean, I did make a pretty piece of change while working there for the past six months. But, serious -- I can't do it anymore. I know I've mentioned my issues when it comes to commitment, but I didn't even want this job to start with. It's a stop-gap job, not a career. *Dusts hand of the discussion*

So, the natural question: Then where DO you want to work, Miz Moffatt?

Well, I quite like this gig as a blogette. Heck, you know me -- I love to write about/for other ladies. If I could scheme a way to make this a full-time, paying practice then SIGN ME UP.

I admit, I've been thinking about writing quite heavily in the past month. I've had a rather love/hate relationship with the written word -- an array of teachers and friends have urged me on to take up writing in some aspect, full-time. And yes, I rebelled for long enough. I wonder if it's the instinct of middle children to do the exact opposite of what everyone is advising them to follow. (Guilty as charged). I fought against it and operated with this overwhelming disbelief when folks would compliment me on stories, poems, entries, essays -- you name it. I'm starting to see the error of my ways...

***

Ideal Image: I can picture myself sitting in a smart, clean cafe on a quiet street corner in France, or maybe a cozy pub somewhere in London. I'm there during their off hours, so the staff is bored, though friendlier than usual. I'm sitting there with a laptop, maybe a cup of tea or a light beer, tapping out some verse or some short story fragments in preparation for a creative writing class. I'm off in my own thoughts, but still a part of the action of real life.

***

I've been debating the whole Masters in Creative Writing again. I'm wary of it. I mean, if you're a writer, you shouldn't need to pay an institution to do so. But then, those Masters degrees can connect you with peers and with established writers. And heck, I'd welcome the chance to revisit those bizarre student hours again. I could even look into European schools and shake off the Canadian soil from my shoes for a while...

Ah, romantic notions. I feel as though some unknown spark has ignited a new desire in me, one based on travel and writing.

Let's see if we can't fan it a little, shall we?