All Hail the Hips!

Inspiration for tonight's post can be traced to one Mae Callen, founder of Queer Canada Blogs and avid fan of all topics pertaining to delightful, sharp, attractive, (and sometimes Canadian) women. After a rousing tribute to Thunder Thighs, I knew it was time to share a secret or two about my personal preference with the female form.

... (You know, aside from EVERYTHING ELSE.)

HIPS. I am a hip-woman. Unabashedly, whole-heartedly a hip-woman.

I always have time for an hourglass figure.

And I can think of nothing sweeter than an apple-bottomed woman.

Curvaceous, voluptuous, full-figured -- whatever the label, I shall approve. I am the "real women have curves" motto, personified. And I could also go on stating this appreciation for the rest of the night.

But, well, I think the subject line alone proves I am a letch. I needn't offer more evidence.

Instead, I shall share some of the glamourous women gifted with those kickin' curves and those rockin' figures. I know I have forgotten numerous women with this post -- please leave comments with photos or links if you'd like to alert readers to other lovely ladies. Better yet, I might just amend this post with the women you suggest. It'll be the Under-Construction post, what say you?

Right, away we go:

Alicia Keys

As if her brilliant talent and her humanitarian activities weren't worthy enough of worship, she dons a dress like that. I am only one woman. I am not immune to the power of the curves. Readers can understand why Ms. Keys is a member of my Harem Proper.

Nigella Lawson

Like every proper sister of Sappho, I dedicate hours to the Food Network. How can I ignore it when the likes of Nigella Lawson is there to teach me about the comforts of the kitchen? I know -- she's around the same age as my parents. Whatev. You saw that picture up there, right? Mmm hmm.

Christina Hendricks
*GAPE* Devastating. Whenever I see a new magazine spread featuring the radiant, talented Christina Hendricks I wonder: How have I avoided watching Mad Men? Serious. I know it'd be difficult to sit through the rampant sexism/racism/homophobia of the show, but Ms. Hendricks might just convince me to delve into those past seasons to revel in her portrayal of Joan Holloway.

And if readers needed additional proof of the power inherent to the hips, look no further than Amy Winehouse, Before/After:

I rest my case.

So, ladies -- are you a hip-woman? Maybe you're dedicated to Thunder Thighs like Mae Callen? What's your favourite feature when it comes to the female form?

EDIT (03/29/2010): I am a silly child. I forgot to mention Ms. Honey B herself, even after all her press over her music video tryst with Gaga herself. I make amends with two delightful photos for readers.

Beyoncé

Lady Gaga vs. Beyonce: Round Two

INITIATE WORLD DOMINATION: GO.

Oh, where to start with the comments? I am on sweet Gaga overload. I cannot recall a music video with more hype surrounding it -- I was hooked on the stills from the last month, not gonna lie. Our patience has been rewarded.

Comments:

• If this is an accurate representation of prison life, then I ought to start committing crimes.
• 1:09 - Gaga proves the multiple uses of duct tape.
• Cigarette glasses = Smokin' hot. Heh, puns.
• Gaga appeases her queer fan base with an epic make-out session with the resident stone cold butch hottie on the yard. So, there -- I am pleased as punch with her efforts thus far. And the song hasn't even started yet.
• Product placement: WOW. I shudder at the price advertisers would have paid for inclusion in this mini-movie. I laughed when the camera zoomed in on the Virgin Mobile cellphone twice. Just hits you over the head with that one.
• CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHTTTTT!! WHITE TANK TOP!! QUEER-LOOKING WOMEN!! LOOP THIS SCCCENEEE!
• (I know, I am crass and low brow.)
• 3:18-4:23 - I couldn't hear the music over the sound of my lust. I apologize. In all seriousness, I find it awe-inducing how Gaga can still exude an attitude of complete dominance and control even when she's objectifying herself. It's like she's saying, "Take a real close look 'cause you ain't gettin' it." As I said, awe-inducing.
• Caution tape wardrobe -- Lady Gaga teaches us that "reuse" is as important as "recycle" and "reduce."
• Pussy Wagon?? Pussy Wagon. Sweet damn, Pussy Wagon.
• B-movie turn with the dialogue and the general plot is approved of here at Cute, Queer, Canadian. I mean, you remember the fuss I made with Bitch Slap, correct?
• After Beyonce's segment in the song, I started realizing this video is not about the music. Perhaps that was blatant from the start, but, it became far more noticeable at this point. I love the song... and yet it is the least important part of the video.
• Note to Self: Extras in Lady Gaga videos tend to die. Do NOT star in a Lady Gaga video.
• Lunch lady and glittery lads? Beyonce donning her military gear for the trillionth time? I feel there should be action figures made for this video...
• Revised Note: Dancers seem to survive the wrath of Gaga. Schedule dance lessons to start next week.
• Americana garb -- whenever I see it, I wonder what a Canadian version would look like and it makes me laugh. Every time.
• I quite like the Thelma and Louise end to this video. I'm a little curious about the archaic, full-bodied, Southern-ish dresses donned by Lady Gaga and Beyonce, but -- well, when viewed in the context of the rest of this piece, I am inclined to not give a hoot.

To recap: Mind blown. Will dedicate all clubbing nights to the might of Lady Gaga and Beyonce (though, I don't believe that was ever in question).

I dub this experience well worth the wait.

The Glittery Girls of the 2010 Grammys

Great Golden Grammys, ladies -- the glitter's dropped and the glamour's still hanging in the air around these parts. I guess the 52nd time's a charm, right?

It was quite the evening for The First Ladies of our current pop culture climate. A new record was set and an entire evening of entertainment and mass spectacle was lavished on audiences across the continent.

Recession? Utter nonsense -- based on the grandeur of the live acts and the unbelievable number of costume changes, it seems our economy is on the rebound. Or heck, perhaps we all struck oil while running our faucets some time last night.

In either case, it was a blinding affair and a memorable one to boot.

Lady Gaga kicked off the evening and threatened to steal the entire show. I mean, that's some serious business right there. I think Lady Gaga defines the term "spectacle," so it's quite the statement to launch a show with her presence. As promised, Lady Gaga delivered a theatrical performance including a ring-master/executive who commanded a crowd of factory workers/dancers to create Gaga, The Fame Monster. She opened with "Poker Face" before she was cast into the "Rejected" section of the "Fame Factory." (Serious, YouTube this one).

Lady Gaga, Pre-destruction

The on-stage contraption opened to reveal a nightmarish, melded piano (with those clawed hands we're all so fond of) -- however, Lady Gaga had another ace hidden under those glittery layers. In fact, she launched into a duet with Sir Elton John, another performer who gained notoriety in his time through flashy outfits and equally captivating, catchy albums.

If Lady Gaga wasn't a queer favourite before, I think she's cemented her place as of last night. In addition to a fanciful performance, Lady Gaga also walked away with two awards for her efforts (Best Dance Recording, Best Electronic/Dance Album.)

If you were wondering where all the other awards disappeared to last evening, just check Beyonce's bag. Serious, she owned the Grammys on numerous levels. To start, Beyonce broke the record for number of Grammy's awarded to a female performer in one evening. In case you were counting, that's SIX statuettes (Song of the Year, Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Best Female R&B Vocal Performance, Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance, Best R&B Song, Best Contemporary R&B Album).

To finish, Beyonce added her might to an evening of powerful, shock 'n' awe performances headed by women. She sang a rousing, hair-tousled rendition of "If I Were A Boy" (which I still have issues with on a lyrical level, but that's for another post). And, much to my eager surprise, she wove in a little bit of Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know." It was surreal to see Beyonce strutting with a more rock-pop image but, hey, I am not one to complain.

Did anyone pick up on the Xena: Warrior Princess vibe of her outfit? There's a definite echo there of the original outfit worn by Lucy Lawless. I mean, a one-piece leather corset/skirt combo, all studded and impractical for battle? Don't you just want to drool all over it?

Come on, I know you want to. Oh, and speaking of random thoughts -- I've noticed Beyonce's developing... shall we say, an "affection" for militaristic imagery throughout her live act and her videos. The number opened with Beyonce leading a special ops corps or some such collective. Interesting use of tactical man-props, if I do say so myself.

All bow to the Siren Tyrant.

Of course, a discussion of the 2010 Grammy Awards would not be complete without mentioning the young Taylor Swift. The new sweetheart of the country charts set her own record last night as she won a total of four awards on her first trip to the Grammys. She even took home the coveted Album of the Year Award for Fearless. She beat out Beyonce, the favourite for the award, and even toppled the likes of Lady Gaga to get it. I know the online debates are raging as to whether Ms. Swift "deserved" the award or not, but, when it boils down to it, the debates mean nothing -- she won it and that's how it is.

And, to make a grand night even better for the young singer, she even got to share the stage with the iconic Stevie Nicks. Not a bad start to a Grammy-studded future, I'd imagine.

Now, before I ask readers to dedicate the next few hours to a detailed rundown of the entire evening, I will cut it short and leave you with images from Pink's stunning performance. I held off from posting videos since they're all being pulled off YouTube faster than I can write this at the moment. But, serious, you NEED to watch her performance. She sang "Glitter in the Air," and, well.... that's all the explanation you need.

Pink sittin' pretty with a bronzed acrobat/gymnast.

*Can't... form... sentences...*

For a complete rundown of Grammy winners and nominees, check out the official website over here --> 2010 Grammy Awards.

So, Grammys: Hit or Miss? Did you check 'em out and pine after America's top female performers or did you boycott the affair? Or maybe you didn't know/didn't care that the Grammys were on?

Negotiating the Space Between Beyonce and Lady Gaga

I know -- I'm a little shocked I'm making this post, too.

Beyonce? Lady Gaga? A Duel of the Divas? What the heck are you on about, Miz Moffatt?!

Bear with me on this one. Last night, I saw the highly anticipated video for Beyonce's latest single, "Video Phone," from her album I Am... Sasha Fierce. I think I'm behind on the times, though, and I believe this video has been circulating the Internet for quite some time now. Still, it's taken me awhile to come around to it.

I have to be honest -- Beyonce and Lady Gaga are guilty pleasures of mine. On the one hand, you've got the powerhouse, bold-voiced, full-of-sass Diva. On the other, you've got the eccentric, edgy, "not-sure-if-you're-hot-or-disturbing" Diva. And now, they've decided to share screen time/radio waves with one another.

The end result:

I will be the first to admit that the concept of "Video Phone" is questionable. The alter-ego of an international superstar is advocating for amateur camera play. I mean... that's the gist of the song. All that aside, I do like the sound of the music. It's a little wide-eyed and other-worldly, maybe even a little bit stoned-sounding. Definitely catchy to this blogette right here, even if the content is sketchtastic.

Anyhow, a few observations:

• Intro: YES. This is what the video SHOULD have been like. I dig the assassin vibe and the whole Reservoir Dogs look of Ms. B's back-ups. Sounds like a showdown which appeals to me. And then....
• ... The man with the camera head appears. Oh no. And then the gents persist through the rest of the video. If I needed a better reason to be queer, that image alone provided one.
• Was it just me, or did you get dizzy watching those three Beyonces dancing while the two ghost Beyonces hovered and lip-synched in the background?
• Question: Why are there so many toy guns throughout the video? I think they must have cleaned out a Toys R' Us for the shoot.
• Right, I like the military swagger of Beyonce throughout the track. Again, not sure what meaning is held therein, but, well, it illustrates why I like a tough femme.
• Lady Gaga: She dominates the scene. I know she has a small part in the song/video, but her presence is so much larger than Beyonce's which I was surprised to see. I mean, Lady Gaga has the equivalent of a cameo in this production and she outshines the star. I am sensing even greater things from this woman in the near future, kids.
• Pin-up Beyonce: A+
• How awkward is that ending? Would you call that sound panting? A groaning of some kind? It goes on far too long. Actually, scratch that -- it should just not have happened. Ever.

So yes -- mixed reactions abound. And now I must go and nurse the shame I feel for admitting my secret music guilt to the Blogoverse at large. Forgive me. *Sobs*