All Hail the Hips!

Inspiration for tonight's post can be traced to one Mae Callen, founder of Queer Canada Blogs and avid fan of all topics pertaining to delightful, sharp, attractive, (and sometimes Canadian) women. After a rousing tribute to Thunder Thighs, I knew it was time to share a secret or two about my personal preference with the female form.

... (You know, aside from EVERYTHING ELSE.)

HIPS. I am a hip-woman. Unabashedly, whole-heartedly a hip-woman.

I always have time for an hourglass figure.

And I can think of nothing sweeter than an apple-bottomed woman.

Curvaceous, voluptuous, full-figured -- whatever the label, I shall approve. I am the "real women have curves" motto, personified. And I could also go on stating this appreciation for the rest of the night.

But, well, I think the subject line alone proves I am a letch. I needn't offer more evidence.

Instead, I shall share some of the glamourous women gifted with those kickin' curves and those rockin' figures. I know I have forgotten numerous women with this post -- please leave comments with photos or links if you'd like to alert readers to other lovely ladies. Better yet, I might just amend this post with the women you suggest. It'll be the Under-Construction post, what say you?

Right, away we go:

Alicia Keys

As if her brilliant talent and her humanitarian activities weren't worthy enough of worship, she dons a dress like that. I am only one woman. I am not immune to the power of the curves. Readers can understand why Ms. Keys is a member of my Harem Proper.

Nigella Lawson

Like every proper sister of Sappho, I dedicate hours to the Food Network. How can I ignore it when the likes of Nigella Lawson is there to teach me about the comforts of the kitchen? I know -- she's around the same age as my parents. Whatev. You saw that picture up there, right? Mmm hmm.

Christina Hendricks
*GAPE* Devastating. Whenever I see a new magazine spread featuring the radiant, talented Christina Hendricks I wonder: How have I avoided watching Mad Men? Serious. I know it'd be difficult to sit through the rampant sexism/racism/homophobia of the show, but Ms. Hendricks might just convince me to delve into those past seasons to revel in her portrayal of Joan Holloway.

And if readers needed additional proof of the power inherent to the hips, look no further than Amy Winehouse, Before/After:

I rest my case.

So, ladies -- are you a hip-woman? Maybe you're dedicated to Thunder Thighs like Mae Callen? What's your favourite feature when it comes to the female form?

EDIT (03/29/2010): I am a silly child. I forgot to mention Ms. Honey B herself, even after all her press over her music video tryst with Gaga herself. I make amends with two delightful photos for readers.

Beyoncé

Super Hot AND Super Heroine

Is there anything Alicia Keys cannot accomplish?

I mean, she's the golden child of the R'n'B crowd and continues to garner respect from a diverse group of musicians and music lovers alike; she dedicates time and funds to invaluable social causes across North America and the globe at large; and, as regular readers will note, she has achieved one of the most elite statuses within the Harem of Miz Moffatt.

And then, she releases a queertastic video experience for her latest single, "Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart."

I'm convinced she found out I was a lil' under the weather which led her to create this video:

Some general comments and first impressions:

• Purple, satin sheets --> *Drool*
• Is it just me, or did wardrobe intentionally dress her like a gay gal for the first part of this video? I mean, tank top: Check. Dog tags: Check. Rockin', studded jacket: Check. Aviators: Oh, sweet goodness, double check. Tough femmes -- you understand the attraction now, right?
• "Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? Well, you can try sleeping in my bed" -- No need to ask twice, ma'am.
• It is a little known fact that Ms. Keys possesses the power to bring creatures back from the dead. I know. Those fingers aren't just magical with the piano, you know.
• Oh, motorcycle. Again, anyone else seeing those queer connections? Yes? I mean, you just need to tell me she's co-writing a song with Tegan and Sara and my head will explode from it all.
• PURPLE UNITARD. BRAIN.... SHUTTING DOWN... CAN'T ...CONTINUE.... TO WRITE..... *Enters a lust-induced coma* The woman has kickin' curves, what can I say?
• Wow, tears that can crush glass? Awesome.

I know the video never adequately explains WHY Alicia Keys commands the Gift of Life. And it doesn't provide details about why she leaps on top of buildings (perhaps to amplify her voice?) but.... well, I don't care. It's implied she's a super heroine and she wears a skin-tight unitard. I don't need further explanation.

Though, I find the inspiration for her character to be intriguing. I mean, she's quite literally the love child of Rogue from X-Men and The Phantom. She got her inability to touch her lover (and thereby drain his life force) from Mama and she got her idea for the bright purple unitard from Papa. Makes perfect sense in a weird, "I don't want to think about this too deeply" kind of way.

Hmm. Whatev. I ask rhetorical questions to amuse myself. Really, I should just press "Repeat" on that embedded video up there.

I suggest you do the same.

Tunes for Tuesdays: Brenda Holloway

I know North America turned their clocks back an hour just this past Sunday, but I recommend we turn them back a little further -- say, to the 1960s perhaps?

Oh, Motown -- I can't even imagine how exciting it must have been to hear these songs for the first time as new tracks. When you compare the quality of music produced from this small recording studio in Detroit to the Auto-Tune tracks of the present, it makes you wonder how we've managed to devolve so completely when it comes to popular music. 

But, I digress.

Brenda Holloway numbers herself among the alumni of Motown Records, though she spent quite a bit of her career in the shadows of the limelight. It wasn't until more recently that her recordings were unearthed and her music was once again brought to the foreground of classic soul.

Despite the fact that her name is not widely recognized by most, Ms. Holloway had one heck of a career with highlights that include:

• Her second hit reaching number thirteen on the Billboard Music Charts, thus winning her a spot on Dick Clark's Caravan of Stars tour
• Becoming a regular fixture on the show Shindig!
• Becoming one of only three women invited to open for The Beatles EVER. She performed in the first rock concert at Shea Stadium where The Beatles made music history (yet again)
• Making a career comeback in 1988 when she and her sister, Patrice, sang back-up vocals for Joe Cocker's iconic cover of "A Little Help from My Friends"

With a track record like that, Ms. Holloway deserves a special place in all of our iTunes libraries/CD collections.

Without further ado, here is her timeless track, "Every Little Bit Hurts" -- and yes, I encourage you to swoon completely:

... Now really, ladies -- how on Earth could you break the heart of a woman like that? I mean, really. She could sing me the Encyclopedia and I would be enraptured.

And, as an added bonus for this evening, I'd like to point out the fact that my lady love, Alicia Keys, has also covered Brenda Holloway's classic hit. This was actually the first version of the song I heard and, yes, I fell instantly in love with it. Ms. Keys sticks quite close to the original, but adds her own stylings and flair for an equally delightful and devastating track:

I know it's wrong to break a woman's heart, but if she writes and performs a track like that afterward? Well...... perhaps I'll have to let my morals slide a little...

No. 3: Alicia Keys

Name: Alicia Keys

Date of Birth: 25 January, 1980

Hometown: New York City, New York

Selected Career Credits:

Discography:

• As I Am (2007)
• Unplugged (2005)
• The Diary of Alicia Keys (2003)
• Songs in A Minor (2001)

Selected Film Roles:

• The Secret Life of Bees (2008)... June Boatwright
• The Nanny Diaries (2007)... Lynette
• Smokin' Aces (2006)... Georgia Sykes

Harem Role: Cultural Liason/ Villa Lounge Singer

***

You knew there had to at least be one singer to grace the Harem Proper. Though, Alicia Keys is most certainly NOT a 'one-trick pony' -- her stellar singing voice and accomplished song writing capabilities may have earned and secured her fame, but her compelling presence on the silver screen has earned Ms. Keys award nominations and critical recognition in the dramatic arts as well. 

And hey, you know me -- I love a multi-talented woman of the arts. *Cartoon-y hearts*

My courtship with Ms. Keys was a slow-build - a natural progression - until she made her way into the Harem Proper. I've always been one to watch music videos and critique their better points as well as their shortcomings and, since she first entered the realm of popular music, Alicia Keys consistently ranked in the upper echelons. 

I loved her with the tougher, no-nonsense image from her youth and I love her now with her ultra-femme, chanteuse image of today.

But that VOICE -- if there's one valuable bit of information you must learn about me, it is the fact that I am an absolute sucker for voices. I often find myself falling for alluring voices even before I find myself physically attracted to another person. 

And Ms. Keys proves the point tenfold.

She's got this small rasp and an almost smoky quality to her vocal tones that comes through in both her singing and her speaking voices. I swear, I could sit and listen to her sing the phonebook and I would be in complete heaven.

Case and Point: Alicia Keys singing "Every Little Bit Hurts" on her Unplugged album:

*Difficulty thinking straight* -- Ha, I just realized that statement is also quite the pun on my part. Alicia Keys makes it difficult for ANY girl to think "straight," I can assure you of that.

So there -- angelic voice? Check. Killer curves to set the world on fire? Check. Epic style that features in her videos and in her public appearances? Check.

While all of these qualities are delightful in their own right, I think one of the hottest traits about Ms. Keys is her philanthropist pursuits and her dedication to various socio-political groups across the globe. 

In particular, Alicia Keys is the co-founder and Global Ambassador of Keep A Child Alive, a non-profit organization that provides medicine to families with HIV and AIDS in Africa. In 2008, her efforts in countries including Uganda, Kenya, and South Africa were documented for the film Alicia in Africa: Journey to the Motherland.

In addition to her own organization, Alicia Keys has donated endless hours and quite a chunk of change over the past decade to a wide variety of social programs and events designed to improve the lives of individuals everywhere, including:

• Donating funds to Frum tha Ground Up, a non-profit organization that helps children and teens with scholarships
• Performing at the Live 8 concert in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to pressure G8 leaders to focus on issues of poverty within Africa
• Performing for ReAct Now: Music & Relief and Shelter from the Storm: A Concert for the Gulf Coast in 2005
• Performing at the American leg of the Live Earth concerts
• Participating in the Nobel Peace Prize Concert at the Oslo Spektrum in Oslo, Norway on December 11, 2007

... And the list goes on.

Bold. Talented. Gorgeous. And she's instilled with a powerful sense of social consciousness. 

Bestill my beating heart.

Welcome to the Harem Proper, Ms. Keys. I only hope my Spanish villa will be large enough to furnish your numerous pursuits with ease.