Maxim's Hot 100 and a Disappointed Moffatt

Oh, Maxim. I heard you made a list, Maxim. I heard you called it "the definitive list of the world's most beautiful women."

Really? Really, Maxim? Do you have the credentials to assert this claim? Might I ask what grounds you base this argument on? I glanced at that list and.... hmm.

I question your authority on the subject.

Readers, take a gander at the Top 10 here at Cute, Queer, Canadian and feel free to scan through the remaining 90 ladies over at Maxim's official headquarters.

Check it:

10. Marisa Miller

Ms. Miller is best known for her intensive portfolio with Sports Illustrated. She's a swimsuit model topping a list of.... well, mostly swimsuit and lingerie models. But, she topped 'em all in Maxim's Hot 100 back in 2008 so, heck, the woman's got mass appeal.

9. Kim Kardashian

..... I'm sorry, what? Kim Kardashian is deemed hotter than Anna Paquin, Zooey Deschanel, Gabrielle Union, Eliza Dushku, AND Scarlett Johansson according to this list? Oh, I am seeing major flaws here....

8. Olivia Munn

Alright, well, I found photos of Ms. Munn cosplaying as the gold-bikinied Princess Leia in Star Wars, Street Fighter's Chun Li, and as Wonder Woman, so.... I am a touch more receptive. She's a self-professed nerd and cites Punky Brewster as her childhood idol. Hmm... I might have to look into her acting credits a bit further....

7. Elisabetta Canalis

Maxim credits Ms. Canalis as "Italy's IT Girl," but the first accolade given is her current status as George Clooney's red carpet eye candy. She started her career as a showgirl on a late night, "whacked-out TV show" called Striscia la Notizia and then progressed to MTV Italy's TRL segment.

6. Rihanna

More than one queer gal fell all over themselves after A) Rihanna got a trail of stars tattooed on her neck, B) Rihanna cropped her hair into a cute pixie cut, and C) Rihanna made it sound like she's got some Sapphic undertones to her. We have yet to see proof of her lady lovin' side, but I'll still hold out hope.

5. Megan Fox

She caught attention for her ardent desire to kiss Olivia Wilde, a fierce emotion inspiring Ms. Fox to "strangle a mountain ox" to demonstrate her affections. Since that time, though, Ms. Fox has uttered some alarming comments in relation to her supposed bisexuality (among other topics). One of her gems comes from an interview with Esquire in June 2009: "I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who is bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never sleep with a girl who had slept with a man." Uh huh. Sure, Megan.

4. Blake Lively

She's played the girl-next-door in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (I and II) and she's dominated the small screen as an infamous Gossip Girl. Be on the lookout in 2011 when Ms. Lively appears in The Green Latern flick. Impressive CV for such a young starlette.

3. Zoe Saldana

YES. MAXIM, YES. At last, at last -- a woman I can support. In fact, I voted for her over at AfterEllen.com's Hot 100 (results to be posted on May 17th). She's played gay, she's a well-versed sci fi nerd, she's unpretentious, AND she's gorgeous. How can so much awesome be wrapped up in one woman?

2. Brooklyn Decker

So, here she is -- the top swimsuit model of Maxim's Hot 100. When I said there were tons of models on this list, I was not exaggerating. I still think that, given the women on this list, Zoe Saldana should have been the supreme champion of the list.

So, who's the at the top of this bikini-clad, thick-haired mass of women?

Wait for it...

Wait for it....

1. Katy Perry

And I have lost faith entirely.

***

I understand why AfterEllen.com decided to start their own Hot 100. After flicking through list after list of swimsuit models and lingerie ladies all posed the same with the same teased hair and narrow waists, you want to see someone different. You want to hear about a woman's achievements, personal causes, and goals coupled with her natural radiance.

I know there are tons of straight boys out there who value the same traits and qualities us gay gals do. So, why do their lists cater to one cut-out of a woman? Gents, I think you need to stage an uprising against the status quo offered by these magazines. I mean, don't get me wrong -- swimsuits and lingerie are delightful to look at, but women are even hotter after they show you their quirks.

I await AfterEllen.com's Hot 100 with greater energies than before....