I Now Declare the Games OPEN

... Or so stated our Governor General, Michaëlle Jean, before the blinding glory of CANADA overwhelmed spectators around the world over.

I mean, if a man hurtling through an explosive version of the Olympic Rings on a snowboard was not enough of an introduction, then, I don't know what is. Though, I'm curious to know who wrote the prologue for the televised event. You remember the montage of Canadian scenery right before the ceremonies started? I seem to recall Vancouver being described as the "emerald" of the nation and there was something about "sugar-coated peaks" for mountains? What? I.... sure. Sure, narrator. You just keep on.... reading those bizarre descriptions.

I have to admit, I was a little torn over the ceremonies. I had moments were my national pride was practically bleeding out my eyes, but there were other times where I felt..... somehow irked.

On one hand, the presentation of our natural wonders and iconic Canadian geographical features was gorgeous; on the other hand, we've sold most of our natural resources to the Americans and, in the GTA, we're taking a stance of overdevelopment and swelling urban centres.

On one hand, we focused on Canada's indigenous roots and incorporated Aboriginal culture into welcoming athletes and visitors from around the world; on the other hand, we as a nation have left Native populations completely disadvantaged when the world isn't watching.

Our Governor General officially opened the Games, a woman who represents our lingering ties with Britain (again, a vestige of the colonial mentality); our Prime Minister had ample time to take in the Opening Ceremonies since he's, you know, not working (good ol' prorogued Parliament); and.... um, actually, I think those are all the points that irked me most.

Hmm, perhaps I'm just having an off evening. I mean, there were some gorgeous elements to the entire evening: I was stunned with the stage and the effects created through those massive, multi-layered screens; the chill, blue atmosphere of the stadium was at once refreshing and peaceful; the crowd was an integral part of the show's success as their presence was used for lighting and other designs; and, of course, watching the faces of the Olympians as they entered the stadium behind the flags of their nations was inspiring and uplifting all in one.

But, I wonder how far we've come when we roll out all those stereotypical images in front of international company. It's like we took out the fine china from the 1800s to impress our guests. The Mounties in red, the majestic and rugged geographical features paraded about, even the snow-covered stage -- almost all of the alpine events were cancelled today on account of the fact that Vancouver can't produce the weather to sustain the events. The fake stage snow is about all the snow in Vancouver at the moment.

Now, all that bitching aside -- I do believe one performer managed to capture the essence of Canada. Of course, I refer to spoken word artist, Shane Koyczan, and his impressive, inspirational piece, "We Are More." I found one section in particular resonated loudest:

"But we are more than genteel or civilized

We are an idea in the process of being realized

We are young, we are cultures strung together then woven into a tapestry

And the design is what makes us more than the sum totals of our history"

I love this concept of Canada. I love the idea that we are not bound by a single, overbearing national identity. It seems like Canada has more room when it comes to what we are. I like that we still have debates over what defines a Canadian and what our culture is.

In a sense, it feels similar to the word "Queer." Our national identity unites us, but it gives us flexibility and allows us to still self-define. Ha, I know quite a few Conservatives would take offense to me likening our national identity to anything queer-related, but I can see the similarities.

Oh, and speaking of Queer, we had quite the representation last night:

• Ashley MacIsaac kicked it with "The Devil in the Kitchen" during the fiddler section of the Opening Ceremonies
• k.d. lang effectively stole the evening with her breathtaking rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"

I must be psychic considering I profiled k.d. lang all of three days earlier for Tunes for Tuesdays. It must be those latent gaydar capabilities of mine. I would also like to note that both MacIsaac and lang were the first performers who were NOT dubbed with a pre-recorded version of their songs. I know, I'd never seen dubbed fiddle music before, but, there's a first for everything, I suppose.

So, all in all.... I am all over the map on this one. I was confirmed and alienated in one shot.

Another question for readers out there: Were the Opening Ceremonies a boost to the Canadian ego, or were they a pageant of stereotypes? Did you feel inadequate compared to the show or was your national pride reinforced? I am definitely interested to hear opinions on this one, kids.

Out Athletes and the Road to Vancouver

HERE IT IS, KIDS -- tonight, the 2010 Winter Olympics will set the Vancouver skyline alight with the hopes of all those homegrown and international athletes.

To celebrate, I am staking my claim on the couch and tuning in for the spectacle of the Opening Ceremonies. I know, there's some correlation between increased laziness/ingesting high fat foods and watching elite athletes. I mean, someone has to savour the empty calories those athletes have sacrificed to attain their goals. I'm just doing my part to help the Canadian team.

Anyhow.

I wanted to provide a premium link that will be of great interest to the queer women out there. Heather Hogan at AfterEllen.com took the time to sift through more than 2,500 competitors at this winter's Olympics and she has managed to locate our out and proud women vying for the podium.

The Grand Total: 4

I know, I wish it was higher, too. Though, as Ms. Hogan points out in her article, there's still quite a stigma existing in the athletic community when it comes to outing oneself. There's still intense pressure to remain in the closet in order to appeal to potential sponsors and to the more close-minded spectators out there. It's a sad reality, but, even then, I am damn proud to know that there are at least four women in this year's Games who have taken the step to represent for themselves, their countries, and for the LGBT community.

Oh, and one of those lovely ladies happens to be Canadian to boot.

Allow me to introduce you all to Sarah Vaillancourt, a forward for the Canadian women's hockey team.

Now, Ms. Vaillancourt is no stranger to the Olympic Games. At the 2006 Turin Games, she took home the gold medal with fellow teammates after playing Sweden in the finals. And, for some compelling tension for viewers out there, one of the other queer Olympians is a member of the Swedish women's hockey team (Erika Holst).

So there -- our one representing Canadian queer woman is also a competitor in our national sport. I don't know that I could fit anymore patriotism into that sentence.

Hmm, it's a shame there's no out curlers at the 2010 Games. For some odd reason, I tend to gravitate toward curling whenever it's televised. Ha, you could even say it "hits the button," a heh, lame curling jokes.

So, how about you? Are you game, or... lame? Nah, you're not lame if you don't watch the Olympics. All I know is it'll be difficult to avoid them for the rest of this month.

Serious, though, which events are you excited about? Which events do you use as a sleep aid?

More importantly, which Olympians have your heart all a-flutter? I am still ~checking out~ the competition, a heh. Alright, I need to stop with the puns.

Be sure to tune in for the Opening Ceremonies at 9 PM EST/6 PM PST.... or, check local listings for the televised festivities because I am certain networks will scatter it all.

Hats of to our 206 Canadian athletes at the 2010 Winter Games. May you strike gold early and often, kids.

Sundries and Such

I am calling in the armed forces to tackle this post. I've got some post ideas on the back-burner at the moment, still in the "development" stage if you'll allow me to indulge that unearned writer's ego. Serious, I want to have those posted in the next few days.

At the moment, I've got some literal and metaphorical laundry to air:

• Moffatt child, please -- clean your room. I was toying with the idea of sharing photo evidence of the current state in which I live, but... I don't think I can bring myself to do it. I don't want to expose others to my comfortable squalor. It shall be erased.
• Eye exam: I had it done. Good news: I have a prescription for glasses that will restore complete vision while I am driving (aka. No more squinting at street signs!) Better news: There's nothing wrong with my eyes. Well, aside from the fact that my vision has decreased substantially over the past four years. What I mean is, the pain I am experiencing in my face is NOT a result of inner eye problems. Thank goodness. That's one more possible explanation scratched off the list, so, I'm gettin' somewhere. Even greater news: I can claim some of these new expenses for my taxes. WHOOO, I'm OLD AND CARE ABOUT TAX DEDUCTIONS, YEAH!
• I will start forcing myself to wake up before 8 AM. I know, I need out of the under-employment rut. I hate having an irregular schedule. I think it induces greater procrastination in me. I'm a morning person -- if I sleep past nine, I feel gross and unaccomplished. I know, I am insane. As the wise Arcade Fire put it: "Sleeping in is giving in/No matter what the time is" ("Rebellion (Lies)," Funeral)
• I will return to the regular gym schedule. I suspended myself from it because of various ailments, but, since they've all been reduced in scope, I figure it's safe to re-dedicated efforts toward the gym.

Umm.... alright, I think those are all the pressing issues at the moment. OH! No, I thought of another: I need a better diet. I've fallen off course again. I need to take a tough stance with myself once again. Perhaps, as a result, my face will stop hurting. Oh, I am excited at the prospect, trust me.

Hmm, I feel I need more queer content. Umm...... oh, well, the main reason for the gym is for Pride. I need to be awesome for my tank tops and for the ladies who just might catch a glimpse of me in said tank tops.

~ FIN ~

This is Your Brain On Plans

This is a rather accurate depiction of my brain this evening.

I've spent a large portion of my day reading books about publishing and scanning blogs written by the Juggernauts of the written word. I have decided: I need to conquer this writing business. Well, I have to get an eye exam to make sure those pesky retinas are not trying to detach themselves -- but THEN, I will write.

(Truth be told, sitting and writing this now is causing a great deal of pain in my face. See? I will suffer for art, I must be the rugged, tortured, REAL deal.)

So yes -- some weird crush of ideas has taken over. Actually, maybe that is what's causing the eye strain. All those ideas are trying to leak out onto my keyboard but those silly pupils won't open wide enough to let 'em flow through and -- alright, this is making me feel gross. I will stop.

Ideas.

I have at least two new blog ideas. Did I mention I am writing on two right now? Well, one is on hiatus while The Advocate is orchestrating the Olympics in Vancouver. The other blog is here (and queer!)

I have a writing contest to enter for the end of this month. I have the story planned out, I just have to take the time to write and edit it. The word limit is 2,500 words -- pfft. I scoff at that. I have the sense this story will easily surpass that count, so I need to harness the brutal, internal revisionist for this project.

I have various writing goals that Ladies in Writing will hold me accountable for this year.

I have an exhausting amount of planning to wrestle over the next few months. I am prepping for some recklessness to start in September. I know, it sounds a touch oxymoronic. I am anal-retentive, there have to be SOME plans in place otherwise I will be left breathing into a paper bag.

Umm.... so, I am quite all over the place. OH! And I need to network. I find networking to be rather stressful at times. And by "at times," I mean ALL the time. I need to take a page from the revised edition of Ship Sharp's Book -- that lady is takin' no prisoners and I am in the greatest awe possible. In fact, I think she should start a blog just so she can tell the world how fabulous she is. I mean, The Advocate and I do the regular bloggin' rounds, so, I think Ship Sharp's gotta get in on the ground floor of that.

Alright, I need to call it quits for the evening -- my eyes are shrieking and pleading for me to give it a rest or at least put some sunglasses on to cut the glare of... everything.

Confound you, immunity.

Tunes for Tuesdays: k.d. lang

It was all a matter of time before k.d. lang was profiled for the beloved Tunes for Tuesdays segment here at Cute, Queer, Canadian. The woman is blessed in numerous areas: she's got a honeyed voice and a classic, seductive persona; she's respected throughout the North American music industry for her addictive, alt-country sound; she's a Juno and Grammy award-winning artist; AND she's an out and proud lesbian.

I have the inkling sense that for numerous Canadian gay gals, k.d. lang factors into those proto-lesbian years in a substantial way. I remember watching her video for the epic hit "Constant Craving" from Ingénue (1992) and sensing there was something wonderfully different about this Canadian icon. Impressive, considering I was six-years-old in 1992. I know she came out in the same year, but, this was LONG before the days I even understood the concept of "queer."

She has such an unmistakable, smokey quality to her voice -- such an elegant composure to her persona. I am certain that, given ten minutes, she could seduce everyone in a fifteen mile radius with the sheer magnetism in her voice. That includes ALL queer and straight women and men within that radius. There's not any sense resisting her. It's proven fact.

I mean, readers will remember those delicious cover shots from the August 1993 publication of Vanity Fair, right? Need a refresher?

Oh, to be that razor....

Oh, to be that chair...

As I said, I think k.d. lang is one of those fixed points in the Coming Out narratives of numerous Canadian women. In a social climate where few butch women exist in the entertainment industry, k.d. lang has represented since 1989 when she won her first Grammy Award for her collaboration with Roy Orbison on the track "Crying." From that point on, she has shown the world that Butch is Beautiful and we all best bow down to it.

For this week's edition of Tunes for Tuesdays, I am focusing on k.d. lang in her live performances. She is a rare breed of musician who cannot be contained by her recorded tracks. No. To feel the full power and passion behind her pipes, audiences NEED to hear her live.

On that note, I turn to her powerhouse hit, "Constant Craving." I defy you not to be seduced where you sit:

*Swoon* I hope I can summon the coordination necessary to post this next clip. Now, k.d. lang is quite well known for her ingenious covers. On her album, Drag (1997), she focused her talents on smoke-themed tunes and other lounge classics; Hymns of the 49th Parallel (2004) saw lang covering iconic songs by a host of English-speaking Canadian musicians; and, she's got an array of other collaborations under her belt. With this next clip, I would like to showcase the pure glory that is k.d. lang's version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" from the 2005 Juno Awards:

Glorious. I'm glad the Junos can sometimes make smart decisions. This single clip might just be their finest choice, I must admit.

I feel there's still so much about k.d. lang to share -- I could write on and on with no clear end in sight. From her extensive music career to her social activism (RE: Vocal vegetarianism, her support for Tibet human rights issues, her dedication to vital LGBT issues) and to a whole host of other delightful gems -- her stories are far too complex for a post of this nature.

Though, new and established fans alike will be thrilled to hear about her latest release. What better form of celebration is there than to head out and purchase her Recollection Deluxe Edition, an impressive 33-track album of her greatest hits (all released on Feb. 5th, 2010)?

Cute, Queer, Canadian -- she's a national treasure as far as I'm concerned.

And yeah, I suppose we could share her with the rest of the world, too. I mean, it'd just be too greedy to keep her all for ourselves, as much as we certainly would like to.

One Week Later...

Ungh... where has all the health gone?

Current status:

• Crippling sinus headache
• Massive pressure behind the eyes
• Fluid in the ears

Serious, what the heck is happening to this ol' body of mine? Could it be the countless hours spent at a computer screen? Hmm, doubtful -- I was doing more time at the computer during the summer and did not have issues.

Do I have eye infections? Hmm, also doubtful -- there's no pinkness there. Definite swollen sensation, but it could be more a result of the sinus pressure.

I'm calculating the chances I have to visit the clinic and snag some antibiotics. My current doctor tends to give ineffective solutions.

Actual conversation:

Doctor: Well, why not take a hot shower and use the steam to clear your sinuses?

Miz Moffatt: Umm... well, I'm living off Advil at this point. I don't think the shower is helping at all --

Doctor: Right, so try a hot shower.

Miz Moffatt: But, I DO take hot showers--

Doctor: And the steam will help it.

I wish my last doctor didn't retire. He tended to help find solutions.

So, random doctor at the clinic it is. And perhaps a visit to the eye doctor is called for.

And certainly more posts to come this week.

The Glittery Girls of the 2010 Grammys

Great Golden Grammys, ladies -- the glitter's dropped and the glamour's still hanging in the air around these parts. I guess the 52nd time's a charm, right?

It was quite the evening for The First Ladies of our current pop culture climate. A new record was set and an entire evening of entertainment and mass spectacle was lavished on audiences across the continent.

Recession? Utter nonsense -- based on the grandeur of the live acts and the unbelievable number of costume changes, it seems our economy is on the rebound. Or heck, perhaps we all struck oil while running our faucets some time last night.

In either case, it was a blinding affair and a memorable one to boot.

Lady Gaga kicked off the evening and threatened to steal the entire show. I mean, that's some serious business right there. I think Lady Gaga defines the term "spectacle," so it's quite the statement to launch a show with her presence. As promised, Lady Gaga delivered a theatrical performance including a ring-master/executive who commanded a crowd of factory workers/dancers to create Gaga, The Fame Monster. She opened with "Poker Face" before she was cast into the "Rejected" section of the "Fame Factory." (Serious, YouTube this one).

Lady Gaga, Pre-destruction

The on-stage contraption opened to reveal a nightmarish, melded piano (with those clawed hands we're all so fond of) -- however, Lady Gaga had another ace hidden under those glittery layers. In fact, she launched into a duet with Sir Elton John, another performer who gained notoriety in his time through flashy outfits and equally captivating, catchy albums.

If Lady Gaga wasn't a queer favourite before, I think she's cemented her place as of last night. In addition to a fanciful performance, Lady Gaga also walked away with two awards for her efforts (Best Dance Recording, Best Electronic/Dance Album.)

If you were wondering where all the other awards disappeared to last evening, just check Beyonce's bag. Serious, she owned the Grammys on numerous levels. To start, Beyonce broke the record for number of Grammy's awarded to a female performer in one evening. In case you were counting, that's SIX statuettes (Song of the Year, Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Best Female R&B Vocal Performance, Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance, Best R&B Song, Best Contemporary R&B Album).

To finish, Beyonce added her might to an evening of powerful, shock 'n' awe performances headed by women. She sang a rousing, hair-tousled rendition of "If I Were A Boy" (which I still have issues with on a lyrical level, but that's for another post). And, much to my eager surprise, she wove in a little bit of Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know." It was surreal to see Beyonce strutting with a more rock-pop image but, hey, I am not one to complain.

Did anyone pick up on the Xena: Warrior Princess vibe of her outfit? There's a definite echo there of the original outfit worn by Lucy Lawless. I mean, a one-piece leather corset/skirt combo, all studded and impractical for battle? Don't you just want to drool all over it?

Come on, I know you want to. Oh, and speaking of random thoughts -- I've noticed Beyonce's developing... shall we say, an "affection" for militaristic imagery throughout her live act and her videos. The number opened with Beyonce leading a special ops corps or some such collective. Interesting use of tactical man-props, if I do say so myself.

All bow to the Siren Tyrant.

Of course, a discussion of the 2010 Grammy Awards would not be complete without mentioning the young Taylor Swift. The new sweetheart of the country charts set her own record last night as she won a total of four awards on her first trip to the Grammys. She even took home the coveted Album of the Year Award for Fearless. She beat out Beyonce, the favourite for the award, and even toppled the likes of Lady Gaga to get it. I know the online debates are raging as to whether Ms. Swift "deserved" the award or not, but, when it boils down to it, the debates mean nothing -- she won it and that's how it is.

And, to make a grand night even better for the young singer, she even got to share the stage with the iconic Stevie Nicks. Not a bad start to a Grammy-studded future, I'd imagine.

Now, before I ask readers to dedicate the next few hours to a detailed rundown of the entire evening, I will cut it short and leave you with images from Pink's stunning performance. I held off from posting videos since they're all being pulled off YouTube faster than I can write this at the moment. But, serious, you NEED to watch her performance. She sang "Glitter in the Air," and, well.... that's all the explanation you need.

Pink sittin' pretty with a bronzed acrobat/gymnast.

*Can't... form... sentences...*

For a complete rundown of Grammy winners and nominees, check out the official website over here --> 2010 Grammy Awards.

So, Grammys: Hit or Miss? Did you check 'em out and pine after America's top female performers or did you boycott the affair? Or maybe you didn't know/didn't care that the Grammys were on?