[WARNING: SASS AND SPOILERS AHEAD]Daybreakers: So, Daybreakers (2009).
Miz Moffatt: Yes.
Daybreakers: Well, in 2019, a plague turns almost everyone into vampires, right? Vampires need blood, and the "superior" race has bled their human sources dry. Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke) is a researcher for this human farming corporation, and he's engineering a blood substitute to save the world. Well, he actually wants a cure for vampirism and has morals against drinking human blood and all that. But, oh man, shit goes down.
Miz Moffatt: Sure, yeah -- shit ought to go down.
Daybreakers: For sure. See, if the vampires are deprived of their blood rations, they degenerate into these disfigured, orc versions of vampires. Check it:
Daybreakers: We're gettin' there. So, low blood stocks + degenerative condition from blood deprivation = wicked cocktail for trouble. Edward gets tangled up with humans, blah blah, turns out there's a cure for vampirism.
Miz Moffatt: A cure?
Daybreakers: Yeah, a cure. Intense, right? Controlled sun exposure turns 'em human.
Miz Moffatt: ....... Wait, what? So, sunlight doesn't kill them--
Daybreakers: No, sunlight can kill them. The vampires' cars have like, tinted glass to protect them from the sun. And there are underground tunnels and a warning system about dawn approaching and stuff.
Miz Moffatt: .... But the sun can make vampires human.
Daybreakers: Yeah. Well, not on an overdose. You control the burn, and it restarts the heart.
Miz Moffatt: All right, I'll roll with you on that one.
Daybreakers: But get this -- after the human conversion, their blood can turn other vampires back into humans.
Miz Moffatt: .....Like a.... vaccine?
Daybreakers: No, like a cure.
Miz Moffatt: Oh.
Daybreakers: Yeah, right? Ol' Corporate Hot Shot gets his ass owned. He thinks he's been poisoned, but no -- he's alive. His plans to sell a blood substitute AND to sell real human blood for a higher price is shattered!
Miz Moffatt: I'm having trouble following you on this one --
Daybreakers: And the blood bath at the end, whoa. All these starving military vamps swamp this one dude, but the first wave's turned into humans. And then those humans are torn apart by the other hungry vamps, and then those guys are humans! It's just a cyclical hunter-to-hunted deal. And the other scientist who succeeded in finding the blood substitute's gonna kill Ethan Hawke's character because this other science dude doesn't want a cure, he just wants to make cash off the substitute. But Willem Dafoe offs the lunatic, and the group roll into the sunrise with the cure.
Miz Moffatt: .........
Daybreakers: Awesome, I know.
Miz Moffatt: The heroes have the cure. But no one is cured.
Daybreakers: Ethan Hawke was cured. Most of the military dudes were, too, but then they were gunned down and like, bled to death.
Miz Moffatt: But the survivors with the cure are left in a world of starving vampires. Who don't know about the cure. And are starving.
Daybreakers: Sure.
Miz Moffatt: ..... Oh--
Daybreakers: Did I mention Claudia Karvan plays Audrey Bennett, one of the lone pure-blood humans in the film?
Ethan Hawke and Claudia Karvan
Miz Moffatt: I-- oh. Oh, I ..... wow.
Daybreakers: Oh, and look, Miz Moffatt -- she looks like she could use your help in this shot, huh?
Claudia Karvan
Miz Moffatt: Ohwowthepretty....
Daybreakers: Even crucified, it seems.
Miz Moffatt: Yesthepretty.....
Daybreakers: She's Australian, too. And she wields a crossbow for most of the film.
Miz Moffatt: Theaccentandthecrossbowandthepretty?
Daybreakers: Oh, what are these photos doing over here? Someone must have left them out by accident.
Miz Moffatt: *Paralyzed with drool*Daybreakers: Awesome -- we look forward to the review on Cute, Queer, Canadian.
Miz Moffatt: KHHAAAHHH.....
***
Shameless. What? Shame? No, there is none. But, I can tell you, there is plenty of drool for Claudia Karvan. I wish I could have found a shot of her in that tank top 'cus damn. Damn it hard.
So, Daybreakers -- questionable plot with a Hottie McHott. Hear, hear.
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