And here it is, the moment where paths diverge -- I am leaving the space of Being Queer and transitioning to the real world of Living Queer. Oh, what a world. Or, rather, what a week.
I couldn't quite grasp the thought at first, it was all bubbling away just below my consciousness. It stemmed from my excitement over seeing Zoe Bell in Gamer, for all two minutes of her blazing magnificence. (Yes, I'm still obsessing -- so sue me). And it took a hasty journal entry written at work to finally make the idea concrete.
.....It was the hesitation in her actions, the quiet air around her. I want to say it was a certain awkwardness, though not so dramatic.
But I've noticed it.
Whenever the conversation turns to women I like or women I've dated, Chantal backs away from the topic. It's the same reaction my sister has shown me before. And I wonder if it will work its way through each and every one of my friends who I am poised to tell within the coming month.
I mean, it's one thing to talk about queer issues and to out myself to others-- I just think it hits people differently once I start talking about the women I like. And I do mean LIKE, like.
It's that moment when the other person realises, "Oh... oh, this is real now." You move from being the distant, abstract concept of "Queer" and start to actually be queer and to live as a woman who loves and desires other women. I guess that's the root of coming out, isn't it? Not just to qualify or validate yourself in name, but to actually inhabit a space AS yourself.
It's odd to sit here in full acceptance of myself only to watch as those around me struggle to come to terms with..... well, with ME.
Weird. Weird, indeed.
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