Gold, Guns, Girls: A Trip to the 2010 Oscars

So, the glitter's faded and another Oscars night has come and gone. I've been scouring the Internet for reactions and it seems the consensus is thus: *Yawn*

Despite the record number of viewers tuning in for the 2010 Academy Awards, the show failed to deliver for most. I hypothesized a bit on this and have come to an odd, though accurate, conclusion.

I think folks were pissed because the right people won.

Across the main categories for female and male actors, best director, and best picture, the people who deserved the award went home with it.

• Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
• Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
• Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)
• Best Actor in a Leading Role: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
• Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Mo'Nique (Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire)

...I have one exception to this, of course. Best Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock? I hesitate for the sheer fact that The Blind Side is not one of her strongest performances. When faced with the likes of dramatic titans Meryl Streep and Dame Helen Mirren, or compelling up-and-comers Gabourey Sidibe and Carey Mulligan, well.... Sandra Bullock did not meet those four other performances. I get the impression Bullock won because Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren are such prominent, well-award actresses and because of the presumption that Gabourey Sidibe and Carey Mulligan are young and still need time to "prove themselves."

I agree that Bullock's speech was the right amount of self-deprecation, poignancy, and heartfelt emotion -- and really, she's America's sweetheart through and through. I know it's futile to argue against her award since the curtains have long-since closed (and I also do not have the authority to hand over said awards). Still, it ruffled my feathers a little and I wanted to make note of that.

NOW. On to the real purpose of this post:

GORGEOUS WOMEN IN EXPENSIVE DRESSES!!1!

Sandra Bullock, Winner for Best Actress in a Leading Role (The Blind Side)

I know, I just concluded a minor rant on her award, but... damn. She definitely earned the Best Actress in an Expensive Dress Award.

Anika Noni Rose

Disney fans know Ms. Rose best for her role as Tiana from The Princess and The Frog. Her pipes were featured on two songs nominated for Best Music (Original Song) - "Almost There" and "Down in New Orleans," both penned by Randy Newman.

Anna Kendrick, Nominated for Best Actress in a Supporting Role (Up in the Air)

Ah, stunning -- I love how the Oscars encourage a return to classic Hollywood cuts when it comes to dresses. Dusty rose combined with dark locks = Lovely.

Carey Mulligan, Nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role (An Education)

It's the little black dress injected with a nice bit of glitz. I dig the short, smart haircut as well. And, I will out myself as a nerd -- check it, Sally Sparrow from Doctor Who's "Blink" got nominated for an Oscar. *Snap, snap*

Charlize Theron

So, fashion experts are quite offended with Theron's so-called "cupcake-iced chest." Well, she's ten thousand times hotter than most of us will ever be, so, I can accept her dressed in anything. Hmm... and that icing idea is intriguing... *Devil horns*

Diane Kruger

Alright. I love Ms. Kruger, I will be upfront with it. But I think her dress had a few unresolved identity issues. Straight? Ruffled? Laced? I do not know. Regardless, I'm sure Charlize Theron would be kind enough to share some of her icing, perhaps.... *Impish glint*

Gabourey Sidibe, Nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role (Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire)

Another graceful, elegant nod to the style of old Hollywood. Rich blue blends with delicate silver details to enhance Ms Sidibe's presence on the iconic red carpet. She might be young, but she's got a promising future after perfecting such a difficult role (and having received Queen Oprah's blessing as well).

Dame Helen Mirren, Nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role (The Last Station)

I know she's old enough to be my grandmother, but... DAMN. Dame Mirren. I understand the British monarch's desire to elevate you beyond all other mortals. Radiant, as always.

Kate Winslet

She is glamourous to the core with this look. Even better, she radiated this remarkable confidence throughout the entire show (check that hand on the hip, the mysterious smile pressed against her lips). Another English Rose for us to swoon over, methinks.

Kathryn Bigelow, Winner for Best Director (The Hurt Locker)

She wears her historic achievement with ease, don't you think? She masters a sleek, toned elegance even while sweeping through the Oscars with The Hurt Locker. I am more than certain she's won the hearts of queer girls everywhere -- her fashion sense is an added bonus.

Meryl Streep, Nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role (Julie & Julia)

Perfection. She is one of the few stars who never allows the clothes to wear her. I imagine it's the reason Sandra Bullock has made Streep her lover.

Penélope Cruz, Nominated for Best Actress in a Supporting Role (Nine)

Since Nine, I have officially converted to Team Cruz. Serious. How did I let this woman slip under the radar for so long? I make amends. I repent!

Queen Latifah

I still marvel at her transformation from hardcore 90s rapper to ultimate starlet. She shimmers in this frosted pink, glitter-accented ensemble. She is grace, embodied -- hence the title.

Rachel McAdams

She represents for the Canadian kids with a whimsical, kaleidoscopic look. It's a modern take on the princess dress, tailored to McAdams' clean and sweet image. Twirly hearts abound, I assure you.

Zoe Saldana

The more I see her, the deeper I fall for her. Not pictured: the nightmarish ruffle marring the lower half of her dress. However, similar to Charlize Theron and Diane Kruger, her utter attractiveness overwhelms the unfortunate circumstances of her dress. Plus, she's a self-professed sci fi nerd, so, I am in love.

And last, but never EVER least:

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Nominated for Best Actress in a Supporting Role (Crazy Heart)

FLOORED. I was, and continue to be, floored with Maggles. I know I am biased, but serious, she matched Sandra Bullock for Hottest Starlet of the Oscars. The colour is flawless on her and I love the minimalist approach with her jewellery. O'Neill can attest to my utter infatuation with Ms. Gyllenhaal -- I was on the phone with O'Neill throughout the first third of the show and I had to comment each time she appeared (which was often!) I "KYAAAAAAAA"d at every opportunity.

***

So, there we are -- the ladies of the 2010 Academy Awards. I know there were numerous women deserving a profile on this blog and it was difficult to whittle the list down to sixteen, let me tell you.

I turn to you, readers. Who won your attention on the red carpet? What captivated you about the lady (or ladies) in question? Most importantly, will you allow me to share her with you?

I know, I am too cheeky.

Fine with "Nine"

First order of business: Check out Nine with Chantal before she heads back to Scotland. I am glad to declare the mission was accomplished with great vigour and much drool on both of our parts.

I knew we would stake out cinema seats for this film the moment I hit "Play" on the Internet trailer months ago.

To start, Chantal is dedicated to Mr. Daniel Day-Lewis. When it comes to Harem hierarchy, he holds a golden place in her ranks. See, he doesn't have an official title within the Harem Proper -- no. He cannot be contained by the standard Harem rules. Instead, Mr. Day-Lewis sails to our villa where he chops firewood and instructs the members of Chantal's Harem on important issues like wooing a lady (and yeah, I occasionally ask for lessons, too. Hey, gotta stay sharp for the women of my Harem.) He travels with the wind and the fog, similar to Johnny Depp and the Irish river folk of Chocolat.

Anyway, I am rambling now.

Of course, the second reason to catch this film: Um, well, you saw that poster, right? Who needs to visit the concession stand with that much eye candy sprinkled throughout the film?

I know, I know -- I'm offline for all of two weeks and the first two posts back showcase my inklings toward all things debauch. What? There are sparkle-infused women belting out musical numbers like Sirens and compelling me to Be Italian and seduce them all. I am only one woman, I can't resist this.

Now, all that gushing aside, I did have certain issues with the film. Or, rather, I guess the plot. I admire Daniel Day-Lewis and I love the women featured in this film -- but, well, I'm getting tired of the whole one man + five trillion women flicks. Yes, I get it -- straight men are given the spotlight AND the bevy of women who should be unattainable to them but the script tells these ladies to throw themselves at him.

Yawn.

Show me something I haven't seen before.

Now, Daniel Day-Lewis is suave and commands quite a bit of respect from me, so I had an easier time suspending my usual irritation for this film. But still, it's frustrating for a single gay girl to watch, especially when she tends to fail at A) Meeting other queer girls and B) Convincing other queer girls that she is attractive and dateable.

But, I digress.

I think the greater part of this film's target audience was more than likely looking forward to one particular scene. If I mention Penelope Cruz, I imagine the first image to slide its way into your mind is this one:

And OH, GIRL -- I don't remember breathing throughout her number. In fact, I don't even recall blinking, either. Once I regained consciousness, I wondered how on EARTH the crew managed to hold it together during filming. Serious, I even wonder how the movie screen and the DVD did not spontaneously combust as a direct result of this dance. It's so odd because I never quite took notice of Ms. Cruz prior to Nine. I was mistaken and I have corrected all former opinions.

Despite the utter hotness that was Penelope Cruz as the Mistress, I found myself drawn more toward the subdued and delicate presence of Marion Cotillard as Luisa Contini, Guido Contini's dejected wife. Even while her character was treated as a walking joke and was continually lied to by her husband, she carried herself with such elegance. Protective Moffatt kicked in quite a few times throughout the film and I was wanting to leap through the screen and whisk Ms. Cotillard away on a cute little Vespa. But alas -- I have yet to perfect the Film/Reality Transfer. *Pout*

I know I'm a touch biased here, but I would still recommend Nine to all the ladies out there. I might even have a new Harem addition here with Marion Cotillard -- if that's not proof enough for you to check the film out, then I don't know what is.

So Be Italian and show those ladies what's what!