Closet Companions, or Secrets Behind the Rainbow

Queer gals vs. queer gents -- are we worlds apart or are we unbreakable allies?

Alpha Femme brought the discussion to the forefront with her post on the perplexing nature of lesbian/gay boy friendships and the hidden qualities of these alliances. She summed up the experience best with her recollection of her first Dyke March in 2006 where she witnessed a group of gay men "hanging out of windows, waving rainbow flags and hoisting banners that read ““FAGS <3 DYKES” and the like."

Why does an image like this inspire such pride and happiness because it seems to contradict an unspoken divide between us?

Where does the antagonistic depiction of queer women vs. queer men stem from?

Is it a fault we perpetuate within our own community, or is it a reductionist, societal representation ascribing character traits to us based on our same-sex attraction? Perhaps it's a touch of both.

I reflected on this same issue in an earlier post where I described the Next Generation of queer friendship epitomized under the moniker "Fag/Hag 2.0" -- it is the single term in existence at the moment to describe the connection I have to a dear, close friend of mine named O'Neill.

I am a queer woman, he is a queer man. We are best friends. We conquered the confines of the closet together, we took the first faltering steps into the local queer scene together, and we continue to turn to one another with a broad spectrum of issues and concerns unique to LGBT kids our age in Canada. While we share the same experiences of coming out, searching for a niche in the community, and learning how to find confidence as queer people in this world, we also have unique perspectives to share from a female frame of reference and a male context.

As a result, we often have outsiders misinterpret our connection with one another.

Our friendship ruffled enough feathers that the queer crowd at our school had to explain us -- we became the "bi-curious girl with the super-supportive straight boyfriend." Yes, dear reader -- the queer kids could only understand us through the frame of a heterosexual couple.

Is it such a shocking, unexplainable phenomenon that a gay woman and a gay man should relate to one another and support one another?

I understand how the idea of same-sex attraction might colour our views on queer friendships. If a girl is attracted to other girls, what would make her befriend a man (and vice versa)? It's as if our declaration as queer people renounces ALL connections to the opposite-sex, including friendship.

In a marginalized section of the populace, where on Earth do we get off discriminating against a potential friend based on their sex/gender? It baffles the mind.

It is about damn time we celebrate these connections and the strength derived from them. June is North America's official Pride month -- seems fitting we should call upon the queer kids to celebrate the similarities between the queer ladies and queer gents even while we respect and support the different perspectives of our closest companions.