Provocation -- a fickle state, indeed. I was exploring the recent additions to the suburban library's queer books section when this title popped up. How on Earth could a queer person such as myself resist the absolute dread induced from the book's title/subtitle?:
Queer Questions Straight Talk: 108 Frank & Provocative Questions it's OK to Ask Your Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual Loved One.
…Ooh.
Such potential to go horribly awry.
As the subtitle suggests, the book targets the trembling, fear-ridden straight masses who cannot fathom where to start discussing queer issues with real, live queer people. Questions range across delightful Sunday tea topics including identity, coming out, stereotypes, marriage and relationships, homophobia and politics, religion, and sex. Readers will revel in the awkward, often ill-informed questions listed within, and will also adopt the strange identifier, LesBiGay, to refer to their now-aliented loved one.
… Alright, a touch harsh. I will retract the claws. Despite the writhing discomfort I felt while trying to picture friends and family asking these questions, I admit that
Abby Dees had some excellent write-ups between those prompts.
Dees is a civil rights attorney with twenty-five years of experience protecting queer rights in America.
Queer Questions Straight Talk came from an honourable place, one where straight allies (or parents struggling to accept their out children) could empower themselves enough to launch meaningful conversations with the queer kids around town. Teens would likely benefit the most from this book, though the text implies parents of queer teens might want to give this a once-over.
Now, that being said, if a loved one were to have asked me these questions when I was a young'un, I'd have been mortified clean through to my 40s.
For example:
- "Could I have done anything to keep you from being LesBiGay? Is there anything I can do about it now?" (11)
- "Do you have to tell everyone? Do I have to tell everyone too?" (21)
- "Are there any real lesbians like the ones on the L Word?" (33)
- "Are lesbians angry at men? Are gay men angry at women? Are bi people angry at anyone?" (34)
- "How can I make sure LesBiGay people don't hit on me?" (38)
- "Do you believe you can be LesBiGay and go to Heaven?" (70)
I'll have to save these gems for our next family gathering, methinks. Imagine it: the grandparents all gathered around with their dainty teacups asking, "Honestly, don't you miss the 'equipment' of the opposite sex? Is that why some people are bi?" (88).
*Initiate the violins from Psycho*
Again, on the other hand, there are some valuable questions buried in here if you can suppress the initial "make-it-stop-oh-god-make-it-all-stop" reaction.
Some insightful additions include:
- "What kinds of things go through your mind when you consider coming out to someone? Are you ever nervous, excited, afraid?" (20)
- "Is there anyone you haven't told yet but would like to? What's stopping you?" (23)
- "Are there different issues that come up in LesBiGay relationships than in straight relationships?" (46)
- "What's one thing I could do to support you – to be an ally?" (60)
In particular, I think that last question is brilliant. I would have loved to have someone ask me that as a kid just figuring herself out. Rather than catering to shock-and-awe prompts or political brawls, why not frame questions in a positive, re-affirming light?
Overall, the book often felt like a permission slip for invasive questioning, and I wonder how much benefit a queer person could derive from it. I agree, ice breakers can be excellent in the coming out process, but respect for a loved one (whether queer or straight) trumps the questions written here.
