SUCCESS!!!

IT IS DONE!

SUCCESS IS MINE!

I AM OFFICIALLY OUT ON THE HOME FRONT!

... It's time to crack open the champagne, set the neighbourhood alight with fireworks, and just generally bask in the glory that IS being out to your parents.

It happened last night. I thought I was going to be ill with the stress of it. But, I had a spiel plotted out which helped matters along. Serious, I mean I spent company hours making sure my 'speech' would cover all the main topics I needed.

The jist:

• I am gay.
• I am confident with this identity.
• I love and respect my parents and needed them to know this important part about me.
• I am safe.

The spiel was about, oh... five minutes long at most. But, I spent about an hour to an hour and a half adding detail and tackling as much information as I could. I mean, I think fear develops from a lack of understanding, so I tried to provide them with as much concrete material as possible. I could tell Dad felt awkward, but he tried his best to keep the conversation going and make sure I felt secure in myself. Mom definitely looked upset at the start, but I feel as though my confidence mixed with my (surprising) amount of level-headed eloquence coaxed her away from her initial sadness.

I think that's what caught me the most off-guard -- I was calm once I started speaking. I was even confident throughout it. I made sure to take control of the conversation and take responsibility for their well-being and their understanding, and I think that's what turned the occasion into a positive one. And humour! I even incorporated humour into it all to break the tension which worked wonders, I tell you.

I've talked to quite a number of people about their own coming out experiences and I think I figured out how to approach the subject through those stories. I remember talking to O'Neill about this a while ago. He always stressed two vital ideas that every queer kid should tell their family during their Coming Out: that you love your parents and that you're safe. I tried to point out as many issues/thoughts that might be swirling around my parents' heads in that moment and I had planned out responses to them all (often before they could even ask the questions themselves).

My Dad reminded me that I'm his daughter, and being gay would never change that fact and would never change his respect for me.

My Mom told me she loved me and that she was thankful to know I felt confident and comfortable with talking to them and being honest with them. She even said she wanted me to know that should I ever want them to meet a special someone, our crew would be welcoming and open.

Honestly, I feel so at ease right now. I feel as if I could take on the world. I know my parents are concerned that life will get complicated for me at times, especially with being out -- but I'd rather deal with issues as an OUT woman than hiding away that aspect of me.

Hot damn -- what a day to be alive, kids.

Awkward Office Moments: Round Two

Perhaps I'm anticipating Monday morning -- with the news of my sister's engagement poised to spread throughout our office, I am certain that the Awkward Office Moments will explode in ways I cannot even anticipate.

Yet.

As it stands, I ran into two rather awkward moments with, you guessed it -- the Office Matchmaker herself. I was lulled into a false sense of security over the past month. I thought maybe she'd turned her efforts elsewhere.

Alas. No one shall be spared. Or, rather, I shall not be spared until my contract is wrapped and tied with a big, shiny ribbon.

Scene One: Wednesday, August 19, 2009. Mid-morning. Miz Moffatt flips through another stack of mail, searching for the rebate stragglers. The OM stares and date-stamps invoices. Enter Finky, the office jokester and all-around cool guy. He spots the stack of mail and stops to chat.

Finky: HEY! It's MAAAAIL TIIIIIIIIIME! THE MAIL'S HERE!

Miz Moffatt: YEAH! You better believe it's mail time.

Finky: Aren't you gonna sing the song?

Miz Moffatt: ...The mail song?

Finky: Yeah, if it's mail time, you've got to sing the Mail Song. Geeze, [Miz Moffatt], it's company policy. Haven't you ever seen-

The OM: MALE song?? Oh come on, now, [Finky] -- is this some kind of song to help [Miz Moffatt] with the guys? Like a Siren's song or something?

Finky: *Confused/weirded out*.... What? What are you talking about?

The OM: Well you said "male time," and I thought you meant it was some kind of song to grab the attention of some cute guys. *Looks over to Miz Moffatt, trying to wink -- Miz Moffatt keeps her head down, an inborn defense against matchmakers everywhere*

Finky: *Laughing* No, it's the Mail Song. *Points at the mail in Miz Moffatt's hands* My sons are big on Blue's Clues right now and they've got this mail song they're always singing. I was making a reference to THAT. Why would I be telling her to sing a song for MALES?

The OM: Oh, HAHA! Look at me, my mind is just too creative -- mistaking "mail" for "male." I thought I was going to have to call HR on you, [Finky]. I thought you were being inappropriate, a ha ha!

Finky: *Motioning to me, trying to make light of the awkwardness* Yeah, well -- you shoulda heard what we were talkin' about yesterday!

Miz Moffatt: *Nods and insinuates she's on the inside of confidential, if somewhat racy, office conversation*

... Yeah, I would say The OM was certainly being "creative".... if by "creative" you mean "out of her mind" or "particularly challenged by the English language."

Scene Two: Friday, August 21, 2009. Early afternoon.

This next episode was a long one. I don't think I could do it justice in a script format. I got trapped at The OM's desk for about fifteen minutes while she told me about this "amazing show" she dedicates hours to on the weekend. It's this lame, Canadian-made show called Style By Jury. It's another one of your formulaic makeover series where they take unsuspecting, 'unattractive' specimens and transform them with traditional concepts of feminine/masculine accessories and 'life coaching.' Except, with this series, the style-challenged individual is subjected to the judgments of her peers, or the 'jury' in this case. The first round is always brutal, but the jury changes their minds after the makeover.

I've seen it. And I'm not particularly impressed with it.

Anyway -- The OM has now made it her mission to get me 'hooked' on the show by reciting previous episodes to me while I'm trying to print off cheque batches. She talked about one she'd seen last weekend where this brilliant, though socially-inept, scholar was scrubbed, polished, and remolded into some sort of fashionista. Why do I bother to point this out?

.... Oh, perhaps it had something to do with The OM's blunt and embarrassing assessment of butch women.

This scholar was 'butch,' according to The OM. She also referenced two previous episodes where 'butch' women were featured as the fashion abominations. 

But it was the language she used to describe them. 

The OM kept focusing on the fact that these women were just "SO unattractive, I mean, really butch" and how "they had closets with no skirts and no dresses and not even a pair of cute shoes or anything." 

I think what caught me the most off-guard was the idea that The OM felt this show was, and I quote, "giving these women a chance to express who they really are" -- she tried to argue that these women "were just so masculine and butch because they'd never really been given the chance to be feminine."

.... WHAT DA DONK?!  In retrospect, I think this is less of an awkward moment and more of a fumin' mad, irritated with traditional concepts of gender and the attempt to include me within heteronormative assessments of others, kind of moment. It was just the ease that The OM had with the idea that feminine woman = normal, butch woman = abnormal, must change to make acceptable. 

I'm struggling to find the words to explain my internal reaction to this. It was just another one of those moments when you realise how powerful the status quo IS and how rarely people within that space question such assumptions. It was eerie at best, I tell you.

Should be interesting to see what Monday brings.....

Tea Parties with the Cuz

Right -- this update is another week late. I've had a number of post ideas buzzing about my brain during the past seven days, so I'll be playing a touch of catch-up as a result.

On Sunday, August 16, I had my Cousin over for an epic tea party/film fest/fan fiction memory tour that turned out to be a brilliant afternoon/evening.

She spent the week here in our hometown, a brief break from the translation world of Ottawa, ON. As I referenced in an earlier post, I decided to throw all my energy into the menu I prepared for our tea party.

Thought I should share the items with you all, just in case you're planning a quiet get together and brewing a pot of delicious tea with a friend.

Epic, Tea Deluxe Menu

• Rosemary Butter Cucumber Sandwiches
• Dill-Basil Cream Cheese Cucumber Sandwiches
• Avocado and Black Bean Hummus Rolls
• Shish Kabobs with an Asian-Inspired Orange Sauce
• Bruschetta
• Maple/Oatmeal/Red Currant Scones
• Caesar Salad (with some homemade croutons)
• Graham Cracker Dessert Squares: One of them was a little strawberry cheesecake square and the other was a rocky road square)

Am I awesome, or what? It was entirely too much food for two people to eat, but my family sampled quite a few of the items and folks seemed to agree that it was a success. I'm always nervous to cook for people. I mean, I cook for myself all the time (it comes with the territory of being the only vegetarian in the house), but for others...? I'm always nervous of negative responses, especially from the meat enthusiasts of the world. But yeah, I got favorable reactions from the lot of 'em. 

My Cousin told me she thinks I found my calling in life -- a caterer for large-scale events. I think I've got the enthusiasm for food, for sure. But I certainly do not have the draw to go through culinary school or anything of that ilk. As for entertaining friends, I'm thrilled to start exploring this area. And heck, who can turn down a tea party?

Had an excellent time with my Cousin overall. We watched Help! starring the Beatles, our favorite episode of M*A*S*H* ("The Smell of Music"), a selection of Monty Python episodes, and a handful of Harvey Birdman clips. 

And OH, the fan fiction. When we were thirteen-years-old, we actually wrote M*A*S*H* fan fiction. I mean, I know I've always been a nerd, it's just amazing to see how far back it actually spanned. We even wrote M*A*S*H*-themed dialogues for our grade school French classes. 

Mmm hmm.

We had another evening full of writing and tea on Friday, August 21, while the boys of our family had their band practice. (Oh, yeah, FYI -- my Dad, my brother, my uncle, and my other cousin are all in a band together and play at charity events across the GTA. Hey, I wasn't joking when I said music is in my genetic code.)

It was refreshing and inspired me (yet again) to pick up a pen or take to my laptop with a new writing fury. I think that might explain the two entries from this very day.

***

P.S. -- I re-branded my blog. I found "Queer in Canada" was a little... broad, perhaps. I'm still open to trying new titles, not quite sure what will fit best. I like the sound of "Cute, Queer, Canadian," though. We shall see.

I GOT SCOOPED?!

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

I had finally worked up the courage I needed to come out. I had the whole spiel worked out, I had a clear weekend, and I was stoked to get myself right out there in the open.

... And if I had just skipped out on the gym this morning, I could have done it. I could have been OUT.

But, Miz Moffatt -- what on EARTH could have stopped you? You've been building yourself up to this moment all month.

...... This morning, my sister and her boyfriend got engaged. I am simultaneously excited/thrilled and pissed off.

I'VE BEEN SCOOPED! 

SCOOPED, I TELL YOU!

Now, I seriously CAN'T come out this weekend. I mean.... how can you come out to your family on the same day your sister is finally engaged after 7 years of dating? As I walked through the front door after being at the gym, my Mom was already on the phone with my sister -- she told all of us to "not go ANYWHERE" as she and her boyfriend were headed over "to tell us some news."

I was only at the gym for an hour. 

If I had JUST SKIPPED IT, I would have been out and I would have felt no guilt about 'ruining a family weekend' or trying to 'upstage my older sister.'

I AM SO FUMIN' MAD AT MYSELF...... though, going to the gym = a chance at hotter looking arms, so, I guess not everything is terrible. And hell, my sister is engaged -- I should be celebrating!

So, I guess the coming out is postponed for yet another weekend. It's hard feeling disappointed by such amazing news -- what a mix of strange emotion. Oh, Moffatt -- you certainly take the cake now, don't you?

Zoe Saldana does Vanity fair.com

WOWZA!!!!SIMPLY STUNNING!!!

Odds and Ends

- Discovered (via Chantal) that a fellow classmate/former drama major I went to high school with is also a gay gal. YES! I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE! 

- Friday Night: Watched my brother's band, Alright Alright, headline at another GTA bar. Night ended with six cops and a tactical force showing up....? You know you're in the suburbs when the cops have nothing better to do than show up at a bar due to a noise complaint....

- Played pool vs. my Dad -- Dad won the first round (I technically scratched after breaking... *Shakes head at self*), I won the second round. Absolutely love the fact that I always seem to be the only girl playing pool every time I visit a bar these days. Badass points? Perhaps...

- Got a wee bit tipsy while watching the band... realized I haven't attained that state for, oh.... possibly a year. What the heck. (And yes, I mean that as a statement.)

- Received a postcard from My Advocate -- She is in Rome and eating entirely too much gelato. Can't wait 'til she returns this Wednesday! :D

- Spent most of this afternoon prepping various items for the tea party tomorrow with my Cousin. Will have to provide a detailed menu either tomorrow evening or on Monday. As I told my family, "Oh yeah -- I'm pullin' out ALL THE STOPS."

- Been luxuriating in the gorgeous weather from the last number of days. What's this? Temperatures above 30C? Summer has arrived, folks. Point me to the sunscreen.

- Hurt my knees at the gym. Yargh. Extra jogging = Ancient knees, it would appear. I've had to adjust accordingly and scale back my usual routine (and I've also had to go lighter on my daily walks/forego my gym jogging). I need new running shoes, no doubt. I believe mine are at least six years old. Yeah. That could be why I keep hurting the ol' knees....

- Back to exploring recipes and new treats. Giving scones a whirl -- I'm not a baker by any means and the dough I've slapped together looks.... rather incorrect. Will update after I attempt baking them tomorrow.

- Sleep deprived. Here's where I drop off the map, for tonight at least.

Nia Long for PETA

Thoughts????

Well I actually like it, Fur ist shite!!!

Agyness Deyn's Tribute to The King of Pop

Fierce.

Survey Says --

... Or, rather, I says.... in response.... to the survey.... *Shifty eyes*

Anyway.

Online surveys and quizzes are more of a lifestyle for me than anything. In high school, before any of us had blogs, my friends and I were plaguing each other with all types of questionnaires imaginable. Now, my cousin and I continue the tradition via LiveJournal.

But, really, this blog here wouldn't feel like home if I didn't give one or two lil' surveys a shot.

This one was brought to my attention by Ms. Kara over at The Adventures of Kara and Jessica -- I was tagged, and I intend to honour that request here. And so:

The List of 8s

8 Things I Look Forward To

• Sitting down to a tea party with my cousin this coming Sunday afternoon.
• Surprising My Advocate with a series of short scripts upon her return from Europeland on Aug. 19.
• Coming Out to my parents at long last and hopefully experiencing a great deal of relief/release.
• The return of the Fall. It's by far my favourite season and I feel as though I can already smell it in the air.
• Getting started on trip planning and travelling. I still have a ways to go in terms of saving cash and actually deciding on more concrete plans, but I'm open to try a wealth of new things, it would appear.
• Partaking in multiple trips to the CNE at the end of August.
• Spending as much time at literary festivals and book sales as possible in September.
• Hopefully checking off more items on my 101 in 1001 list, which I still have to detail for the purposes of this blog, also.

8 Things I Did Yesterday

• Tried tempeh for the first time and enjoyed it immensely.
• Headed over to the gym before the torrential rains hit.
• Wore one of my hotter tank tops and did up my make-up, just because.
• FINALLY started catching up on the second season of True Blood. Wished I was still at the gym after seeing how ripped everyone on that show is.
• Grilled some veggies for a delicious sandwich.
• Also ate entirely too much refined sugar... as I did this evening also.
• Gave my LiveJournal a REAL update after months of neglect.
• Watched a travel show dedicated to the Czech Republic and realised how much I need to start planning my own trips out.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do

• Fly. Though, I would settle for telekinesis.
• Speak multiple languages with complete fluency.
• Take a compliment without searching for double meanings and all that other paranoia.
• Commit. 
• Stun others with my mad cooking skillz. (I'm still working on that one)
• Win the lottery
• Write the Great Canadian Novel. Or the Great Canadian Poetry Collection.
• Woo all the ladies. :P

8 Shows I Watch

• Doctor Who
• True Blood
• Dead Like Me (even if it was cancelled after two seasons. :( )
• Being Erica
• Iron Chef
• Downtown's Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende!! (Japanese television = Love)
• M*A*S*H* (An absolute classic)
• Heroes

8 Favorite Fruits

• Cherries
• Strawberries
• Blackberries
• Pineapple
• Clementines
• Peaches
• Mangoes
• Plums

8 Places I Would Like to Travel

• England
• Ireland
• France (e.g. Amelie's France)
• Germany (Though, I imagine vegetarians would have a difficult time eating while touring Deutschland)
• Yukon/Northwest Territories
• Russia (Again, still need to look into areas I'm most interested in as Russia is a LARGE place)
• New Zealand
• Back to Japan

8 Places I've Lived

• Alas -- I live in the same house I was raised in. 23 years under one roof. Well, minus the four years where I spent the majority of my time at school. It felt more like sleep-away camp, though. Yeah. I need to get moving, methinks.

8 People I've Tagged

• I'll leave this one up to the readers -- if you're into surveys, then have at it! If you're not, then I hope you enjoyed perusing my answers and getting to know the Moffatt behind the blog. *Gags at the implied candidness*

War Re-Enactments, Anyone?

It's not everyday that a person's Coming Out is interrupted by an annual War of 1812 Re-Enactment.

But, this Saturday proved it is certainly possible.

What impeccable timing I possess. Yes, I had intended to have The Talk with The 'Rents on Saturday evening, however my plans were shuffled about to accommodate for a quick trip to Fort Erie for some casual bloodshed.

I spaced out and hadn't realised I more or less double-booked events. The battle was scheduled for 8 pm which means we had to leave at 6 pm and my sister and her boyfriend were over at our place early in the day, etc. with the excuses. Still, though -- what a sweet Saturday, if you ask me.

We were showered with peat moss after a series of particularly nasty 'canon firings,' and we were treated to blazing muskets and accurate period costumes and all the other fabulous trimmings of 1812. Well, we actually saw a re-enactment of the Siege of Fort Erie that took place in 1814. It's known as Canada's bloodiest battlefield and this is the 23rd time it's been staged for history buffs everywhere. We watched Dummond's night assault on the fort where the British were repelled by the Americans after the fort's expense magazine exploded and more or less decimated the one column of British soldiers that were able to invade the fort. 

Yes, I realise I'm a nerd. But trust me, it gets nerdier from here.

Afterward, we headed inside the fort walls ourselves for the annual Lantern Tour of the fort. I absolutely LOVE fort tours/historical sites where actors treat you as though you are a member of their time period. Like.... serious, I can't help myself. I blame my Dad who is also a mad historian at heart. He tends to gravitate toward Canadian history since A) He lived in Montreal during the '67 World Expo/Canada's Centennial Anniversary, and B) He's an incredibly proud Canadian. Me, I just love history in any shape or form. But, I'm heading off on tangents at this point.

And what did I do while we were touring around a darkened fort and watching all the re-enactments of battle-weary, injured American soldiers?

.....

I was pretending I was Doctor Who and that I had been pulled out of the time vortex to solve some sort of sci fi mystery that just happened to be taking place during 1814.

..... And now, you may cancel your subscription to my blog/delete me from your bookmarks.

***

Oh well, next weekend for sure -- I will re-focus my efforts on the Moment of Truth and the biggest step in my Coming Out journey thus far.

(Last) Weekend Updates

Lazy Summer, izzycarasmillie

At last -- here it is. I find myself in the throes of summer as I write this.

Weekend plans? I GOT 'EM.

Friends returning from their adventures abroad? OH YES, IN DROVES.

Optimism returning? YOU BET.

.... Hence my blogging negligence. Granted, I can't be too apologetic considering May, June, AND July were write-offs. I took advantage of nothing mainly because... well, there wasn't much going on. But now, late summer is unfurling before me and I am excited to say that life is turning around.

I've been meaning to update about last weekend for this entire week, so I thought I should elaborate a bit on that front. Most of my time was spent at the gym or watching the first season of Heroes (which I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE NEVER WATCHED BEFORE LAST WEEKEND), but Monday was chock full of summer-y goodness.

That's right -- Ontario residents were blessed with a Civic Holiday on Monday, August 3 and, so, I was liberated from the beige life of the office. Dad and I headed down to the Kelso Conservation Area to practice our canoeing skillz. And, apparently, everyone else in the area decided upon the same thing. We spent about... maybe half an hour trying to get IN to the parking lot and then we spent another half an hour waiting to rent our canoe. 

It was definitely worth it though, let me tell you. 

We spent an hour on the water getting familiar with the paddles (it's been a while for us both) and just generally exploring the little inlets across the lake. Our plan is to work ourselves up to the point where we can cruise down the Grand River on one of their tours. Haha, after reading that paragraph, all I can think is, "GOD... that sounds so freakin' Canadian." All we need to do is portage a little and we are SO THERE.

Anyhow, all Canadiana aside for the moment, I met up with Ms. Chantal who is BACK HOME SINCE LIVING IN JAPAN FOR THE PAST YEAR! It was so surreal to return to our usual haunts after an absence of 365 days. It's amazing how easily you can fall back into familiar routines, though. Chantal even commented that by the time she reached her neighbourhood after her flight, it was like she'd never been gone in the first place. Weird how the memory functions.

Anyhow, I brought over a special 'Welcome Home' gift of champagne and Turkish delight and she gave me some cute/delicious souvenirs from Japan and from her short trip to Thailand. After that, we headed over to Boston Pizza for some "real pizza," as Chantal now calls it. (Yeah, I know Japan's not famous for their pizza, so, Chantal was definitely excited for the Real Deal.) I know she and I have been reflecting on our friendship as of late -- I mean, we've know each other since we were 14 and now, we've been to Japan and back and are planning a European extravaganza for next year. (Oh, yeah -- P.S. I went to Japan in March to visit with Chantal for 2 weeks.... that's an important bit of detail there, I do believe). It's amazing to think about your connection with other people, just to see how much you've accomplished together. 

Look at me getting all sentimental. I blame the gorgeous weather for all this.

AND, side note: We had quite the hottie spotting while at Boston Pizza. Her name was Jessy and she was our waitress. I've been out to Chantal for a year now, but I've only ever talked about female celebrities I have crushes on. So, to acknowledge the fact that I check out women around me on a regular basis was... well, perhaps a revelation to her. 

Mmm, Jessy... she had a crazy accent. I couldn't place where she was from, which leads me to believe it was a South African accent. (It's my default when I can't pin down an accent... and it seems to be accurate quite often). Chantal and I were chatting a bit about where I was in the coming out process and a bit about O'Neill, so I think Ms. Jessy overhead the fact that I'm a gay gal. I noticed she was making eye contact with me quite a bit and she randomly came over to ask me specifically how I was enjoying my multigrain pizza crust. I know, specific, right? And she kind of ignored Chantal a little which was hilarious to reflect upon.

BUT -- to end the experience, she wrote little messages on both of our receipts, right? I looked at mine only to find she'd written "Thank you very much! XO Jessy". <-- THAT'S AN 'XO,' people. I gloated over that one. Chantal pouted over her lack of an 'XO' and slyly said, "Maybe Jessy thought you were pretty damn hot!" I might have go back there -- AND SOON. Oh, ego boosts, how I love thee.

We caught the film Fifty Dead Men Walking and it was shocking, brilliant, amazing, and randomly funded by Canadian sources...? It details the story of Martin McGartland, a young man from west Belfast who was recruited by the British Police to spy on the IRA during the 1980s. He managed to survive his capture/torture at the hands of the IRA by throwing himself from a tower block window. And he's still in hiding as we speak. It was an excellent movie, I've got to say. But yeah, it was funded not only by Canadian sources, but by QUEBEC sources, if you can imagine it. Random indeed, but I'm glad they did.

... And here I am, standing on the brink of another August weekend with a few odd plans and a desire for improvisation. We'll see what I make of it.

P.S. -- I also have a LOT of blog updates to catch-up on. Prepare thyself for a deluge of comments.

Carmen Solomons

Simply Beautiful.